In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:
“BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN”
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.
A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.
He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.
The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows:
“RETURNED UNOPENED”
I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan
I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell
Like the Good Book says, "Patience is a virgin." - Archie Bunker
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan
My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor
I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt. - Edna O'Brien
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill
Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof
Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan
I've been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin. - Groucho Marx
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland
That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown
With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan
That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell
Like the Good Book says, "Patience is a virgin." - Archie Bunker
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan
My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor
I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt. - Edna O'Brien
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill
Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof
Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan
I've been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin. - Groucho Marx
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland
That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey
I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown
With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan
That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
see also Tombstone Section
Flooded Ireland Streets
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Diplomacy
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Handcuffs
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish School Demolition
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Sunblock
Irish Weather Forecasting
Irish Yoga - Day 1
Irishman’s First Baseball Game
Little Leprechaun
Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland
Rainbow Beer
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
Whiskey Around The World
Whiskey Silly
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29-May-2020 |