Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows: “RETURNED UNOPENED” QuotaBills I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast Paddy O Furniture: Irish lawn chairs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings Like the Good Book says, "Patience is a virgin." - Archie Bunker You think the Welsh are friendly, but the Irish are fabulous. - Bonnie Tyler My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. - Bono There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan see also   Tombstone  Section Flooded Ireland Streets Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! 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20-Sep-2021