Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows: “RETURNED UNOPENED” QuotaBills Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy I've been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin. - Groucho Marx The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown I'm proud of my Irish heritage and culture and this show will feature a lot of Irish dancing. - Michael Flatley Definition of an Irish fact: That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. - Hugh Kenner The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. - William Butler Yeats I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?", New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt see also   Tombstone  Section Flooded Ireland Streets Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Diplomacy Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Handcuffs Irish Rugby Fans Irish School Demolition Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Sunblock Irish Weather Forecasting Irish Yoga - Day 1 Irishman’s First Baseball Game Little Leprechaun Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland Rainbow Beer St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold Swimming Buddies Teddy Bear Dance The Fert What’s Under The Kilt? 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05-Dec-2019