Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows: “RETURNED UNOPENED” QuotaBills I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy Paddy O Furniture: Irish lawn chairs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle I'm proud of my Irish heritage and culture and this show will feature a lot of Irish dancing. - Michael Flatley I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson see also   Tombstone  Section Flooded Ireland Streets Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Diplomacy Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Handcuffs Irish Rugby Fans Irish School Demolition Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Sunblock Irish Weather Forecasting Irish Yoga - Day 1 Irishman’s First Baseball Game Little Leprechaun Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland Rainbow Beer St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold Swimming Buddies Teddy Bear Dance The Fert What’s Under The Kilt? 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28-May-2022