Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows: “RETURNED UNOPENED” QuotaBills I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh Take a cruise down to the Virgin's Island. - Archie Bunker The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell Like the Good Book says, "Patience is a virgin." - Archie Bunker The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery You think the Welsh are friendly, but the Irish are fabulous. - Bonnie Tyler My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson Definition of an Irish fact: That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. - Hugh Kenner What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle "Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien see also   Tombstone  Section Flooded Ireland Streets Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Diplomacy Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Handcuffs Irish Rugby Fans Irish School Demolition Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Sunblock Irish Weather Forecasting Irish Yoga - Day 1 Irishman’s First Baseball Game Little Leprechaun Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland Rainbow Beer St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold Swimming Buddies Teddy Bear Dance The Fert What’s Under The Kilt? 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26-Jan-2020