Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it reads as follows: “RETURNED UNOPENED” QuotaBills I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh Take a cruise down to the Virgin's Island. - Archie Bunker Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen I've had Irish skin from the time I was a young girl. - Lara Flynn Boyle If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. 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Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson see also   Tombstone  Section Flooded Ireland Streets Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Diplomacy Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Handcuffs Irish Rugby Fans Irish School Demolition Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Sunblock Irish Weather Forecasting Irish Yoga - Day 1 Irishman’s First Baseball Game Little Leprechaun Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland Rainbow Beer St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog St. Patrick’s Pot of Gold Swimming Buddies Teddy Bear Dance The Fert What’s Under The Kilt? 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22-Jan-2021