Tequila Christmas Cake

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:

Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Directions:
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Christmas!

QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Good wine is a necessity of life. - Thomas Jefferson

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

I'm not much of a cake person. - Daniel Radcliffe

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - James Thurber

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

Wine is the flower in the buttonhole of life. - Werumeus Buning

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

Some call it Cocktail Hour. To me, it's a support group. - Unknown

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

A lot of movies are about life, mine are like a slice of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock

False Economy: using only 30 candles on her 40th birthday cake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Because the sweeter the cake, the more bitter the jelly can be. - Lady Gaga

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

Writing is only the frosting on my cake. I'm whole without it. - Tabitha King

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg. - Cilla Black

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake. - Unknown

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

Kidney: 1. Midpoint of a child's leg; 2. An organ used to convert beer into urine. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We have always said that advertising is just the icing on the cake. It is not the cake. - Meg Whitman

We're really just the frosting on a cake and we don't know what's inside the cake. - Adam Riess

Just as Jesus created wine from water, we humans are capable of transmuting emotion into music. - Carlos Santana

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece. - Ludwig Erhard

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

It's a piece of cake until you get to the top. You find you can't stop playing the game the way you've always played it. - Richard M Nixon

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

In those days the best painkiller was ice. It wasn't addictive, and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it. - George Burns

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

see also Bar, Christmas & Food Sections
Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
Feel Like a Christmas Fruitcake?
How Tequila Works
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

Tequila Christmas Cake

Don’t forget to beat off the turner!

30-May-2020