Tequila Christmas Cake

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:

Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Directions:
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Christmas!

QuotaBills
I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Photographing a cake can be art. - Irving Penn

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

I'm not much of a cake person. - Daniel Radcliffe

Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb

Adventure is the champagne of life. - G K Chesterton

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Romance is the icing, the love is the cake. - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood

Wine is the most civilized thing in the world. - Ernest Hemingway

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

The cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Wilhelm II

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Stop trying to make everybody happy - you're not tequila. - Unknown

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

False Economy: using only 30 candles on her 40th birthday cake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece. - Ludwig Erhard

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

see also Bar, Christmas & Food Sections
Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
Feel Like a Christmas Fruitcake?
How Tequila Works
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

Tequila Christmas Cake

Don’t forget to beat off the turner!

02-Mar-2021