Tequila Christmas Cake

Don’t forget to beat off the turner!


Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:

Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup white flower
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs (room temperature)
Nuts (your choice)
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Directions:
Sample tequila to check quality; take a large bowl.
Check tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Christmas!


QuotaBills
Let them eat cake. - Marie Antoinette

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

When wine goes in strange things come out. - Friedrich Schiller

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

A lot of movies are about life, mine are like a slice of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

"Let 'em eat cake," to quote the late Mark Antonette. - Archie Bunker

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake. - Unknown

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

You can lead a horse to water but I'd rather ride it to the liquor store. - Wayne Nowazek

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? - Lisa Loeb

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece. - Ludwig Erhard

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown


see also  Bar,  Christmas  &  Food   Sections
Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
Feel Like a Christmas Fruitcake?
How Tequila Works
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

 

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16-Feb-2020