Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.
I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. (I always call him “honey” in times like these)
“I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
“Are you kidding’ me”, he barked, “I dropped you off!!!”
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn’t steal your car.”
Yep it’s the Golden Years...
Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker
You live and learn, then die and forget it all. - Noel Coward
Nothing bad can happen if you haven't hit the Send key. - David Shipley and Will Schwalbe in Send
You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck
Living is using time given to you. You cannot recall lost time. - Pokemon
It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all. - Groucho Marx
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore
Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill
It is better to have loafed and lost, than never to have loafed at all. - James Thurber
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
He who does not remember the past is condemned to forget where he parked. - David Rudnitsky
On the keyboard of life always keep one finger on the 'escape' key. - Unknown
It is sometimes as dangerous to be run into by a microbe as by a trolley car. - J.J. Walsh
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best
Never forget that it is not a pneumonia, but a pneumonic man who is your patient. - William Withey Gull
The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals, and three-run homers. - Unknown
I'd say that the Meathead probably got magnesia and forgot where his mouth was. - Archie Bunker
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker
Imagination, of course, can open any door - turn the key and let terror walk right in. - Truman Capote
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman
Whoever said, "It's not whether you win or lose that counts" probably lost. - Martina Navratilova
The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. - Erma Bombeck
The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow
To find out what one is fitted to do, and to secure an opportunity to do it, is the key to happiness. - John Dewey
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies. - Phyllis Diller
A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau
Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost. - John Quincy Adams
I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself. - George Burns
The key to happiness and youth is an unencumbered spirit – whether it comes naturally or whether you have to work hard for it. - Emme Woodhull-Bache
When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill
It's only lonely at the top if you forget all the people you met along the way and fail to acknowledge their contributions to your success. - Harvey Mackay
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin
see also Aging, Marriage, Police & Stress Sections
Ice Cream Thief
Lost and Found
Lost Axle
Lost Bee
Lost Bouquet
Lost Cat
Lost Dog
Lost Head
Lost Hyundai of New Brunswick
Lost Inheritance
Lost Leg
Lost Luggage
Lost Meal
Lost Uncle
Lost Unfriendly Cat
Romance Lost
USB Lost Memory Stick
Who Lost The Keys?
 Submergible |  Today's Paper Read Yesterday |  Someone Is Upset |  Texas Diet |  Moose Crossing |
 Lost Meal |  Plane Oops! |  The Wheels of Life |  Nerd Shaving |  Beethoven's Teacher |
 Coke's Special Ingredients |  Weather Warning |  Freedom At Last |  Ebola Can Be Eaten |  Open Face Sandwich |
 Busted Politician |  Balanced Diet |  African Wheelbarrow |  Drain Swimmer |  Just In Thyme |
03-Apr-2020 |