Elf Defense

Santa Clause 101: defending the North Pole



Academy of Elf Defense

Washington State prepares special Karate events for Christmas

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

I only direct in self-defense. - Mel Brooks

People use irony as a defense mechanism. - David Byrne

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

The best defense against logic is ignorance. - Blaise Pascal

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Denial is a useful defense mechanism until it's not. - Rosalind Kaplan

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. - Mignon McLaughlin

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm going to the North Pole to help out Santa this year. - Jimmy Fallon

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. - Homer Simpson

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

As to lawyers, their profession is supported by the indiscriminate defense of right and wrong. - Junius

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor. - Thomas W. Higginson

Karate's a very boring sport, but when you know the technique you can go further and further. - Jean-Claude Van Damme

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

I'm a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do and 2nd degree in karate, and I'm a licensed bodyguard. - Katheryn Winnick

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

I don't like creating software anymore. It's too exact. It's like karate; there's no room for error. - John Maeda

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

When I was younger I did karate and martial arts, and I think it's really cool for girls to have those kinds of abilities. - Rebel Wilson

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple


see also   Christmas  &  Security  Sections
Christmas Lottery Gift
Dark Side Christmas
Elf Tree Decoration
If The Elves Win The Lottery
Missing Elf
Proof That Elves Exist

 

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19-Jan-2022