Christmas Presents Around The World

Global preparation for the big night of expectations


The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy, “What do you do at Christmas time?”
Patrick addressed the class, “Well Miss Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.”

“Very nice Patrick,” she said. “Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?”
“Well, Miss Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”

Realising there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?”
Isaac said, “Well, it’s the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office, we all pile into the Rolls Royce - then we drive to Dad’s toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves... and begin to sing, ‘What A Friend We Have in Jesus’. Then we all go to the Bahamas.”



QuotaBills
It's only a toy. - Gardiner Greene Hubbard

Chicken: An egg factory - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Where does he get those wonderful toys? - Jack Nicholson

Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. - American Proverb

My poems are hymns of praise to the glory of life. - Edith Sitwell

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. - Henny Youngman

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

A new toy is something a child uses to break his old toys. - Joe-kster

I'm Jewish, so I don't know much about Easter eggs. - Simon Kinberg

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy. - Unknown

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone, you answer it. - Dave Chappelle

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

This is a Jewish cake - they give this to a Jewish kid before he gets circumscribed. - Archie Bunker

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. - Steven Wright

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Coming from Canada, being a writer and Jewish as well, I have impeccable paranoia credentials. - Mordecai Richler

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. - Milton Berle

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffett

This is the real enemy, the invader from the East, the Druze, the ruffian, the oriental parasite; in a word: the Jew. - George Bernard Shaw

Unbreakable Toy: 1. An object that is indestructible - until a child plays with it; 2. Useful for breaking other toys. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every year during their High Holy Days, the Jewish community reminds us all of our need for repentance and forgiveness. - Billy Graham

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Grandparent: 1. One who knows that spanking is unnecessary; 2. The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

Blessed be Providence which has given to each his toy: the doll to the child, the child to the woman, the woman to the man, the man to the devil. - Victor Hugo


see also   Christmas  &  Nationality  Sections

 

Chubby Free

Pirrows

Young Rock Star

Restored Beauty

Powerplant Swimsuit Models

Watermelon Cake

Sharkini

Julyed

Filet Minion

Better Singer

Texas Basketball

Grow Food, Not Lawns

Nut Salesman

Long Yellow Things

Ants Know When Something Is Fake

Think Outside

Despicable Wood Stove

Engineering Flowchart

Egotist

Hunter's Dream Wedding
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02-Jul-2022