The Common Fart

Can you tell the difference between a Tight Bun and a Ripper?

The Common Fart is the fart heard most often.
It is a very close relative of the “Ripper”,
but is released with less force. It is usually heard in
groups where people aren't yet
comfortable with farting amongst each other.
Therefore, one person in the group
gets up some nerve and releases this common-sounding fart
in such a manner that
everyone now feels comfortable with group flatulence...
Usually there is no smell with the Common Fart.
Common Fart (.wav)

The Anxious Fart
The Anxious Fart is let in a place where someone does not want the
fart to be heard. You may have seen men and women in book stores
or grocery stores, or even on the street, letting these farts.
They are generally controlled, usually barely audible, and require
much skill to master.
Anxious Fart (.wav)

The Coughing Fart
The Coughing Fart is one that the farter tries to cover up with a
cough. My Dad used to let these farts all the time when he worked
at the Bingo Hall. He would stand at the back of the hall and
cough, just as a nice “common fart” was let.
It can be embarrassing for the farter,
and those around the farter, if the timing is off at all,
or if the fart is longer than anticipated.
Coughing Fart (.wav)

The Wet Fart
The Wet Fart is one that sounds quite juicy.
Quite often this fart is cause for alarm, and an indication
that a trip to the toilet is imminent.
Wet Fart (.wav)

The Blower
This fart is similar to the ripper, except it has a bit of a
hollow, windy sound to it. This is due to farter blowing
all the gas out quickly. This fart will almost always get a laugh.
Blower Fart (.wav)

The Tight Bun Fart
This fart is always recognizable.
It sounds like the farter's buns were so tight
that he/she was in pain while farting.
Tight Bun Fart (.wav)

The Ripper
One of the best farts around is The Ripper. It is loud, rough, and always
raises an eyebrow or two.  Characteristics of The Ripper often show up
in other farts, but make no mistake - this fart is a single,
powerful gas-bubble that comes screaming from the farter's butt.
Ripper Fart (.wav)

Asphalt: Rectum trouble. - Daffynitions

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

One cannot spend one's entire life running into bathrooms when danger calls! - Reif Larsen

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Rectitude: The formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you - Daffynitions

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

see also   Bad Gas  Section
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Did Philip Fart?
Fart Facts
Gas Passer - Downwind Protocol
German Flatulence Control
Mr. Silent Killer Gas Passer - Real Men of Genius
One Wee Scottish Farty


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