Redneck Medical Terms

What ya gonna do with ’im, Jethro - Barium?


Artery: Study of paintings.
Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
Barium: What you do with dead folks.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O, U.
Catscan: Searching for the cat.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Caesarian Section: A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
D&C: Where Washington is.
Dilate: To live longer than your kids do.
Enema: Not a friend.
Fester: Quicker than someone else.
Fibula: A small lie.
Genital: Not a Jew.
G.I. Series: An Army ball game.
Hangnail: Coat hook.
Impotent: Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff: A Doctor’s cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.
Node: Was aware of.
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.
Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative: A letter carrier.
Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.
Rectum: Dang nearly killed him.
Secretion: Hiding something.
Seizure: Roman emperor who lived in the Caesarian Section.
Tablet: A small table to change babies on.
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor: More than one.
Urine: Opposite to you are out.
Varicose: Near by.
Vein: Conceited.
Very close veins: overly conceited and near by.



QuotaBills
In rock music terms I'm like a dinosaur. - Belinda Carlisle

Care shouldn't start in the emergency room. - James Douglas

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose. - George Will

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

"Absorption of overhead" is one of the most obscene terms I have ever heard. - Peter F Drucker

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. - Erma Bombeck

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. - H L Mencken

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

Webnesia: The act of loading a web browser, then instantly forgetting the site you were going to visit - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

My basics are black, white, or neutral, and I'll wear a ton of jewelry or carry a brightly colored bag. - Rachel Zoe

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

Faith is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see -
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency. - Emily Dickinson

Mankind likes to think in terms of extreme opposites - between which it recognizes no intermediate possibilities. - John Dewey

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. - Lemony Snicket

Thirty was so strange for me. I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult. - C S Lewis

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. - Bill Gates

I see history as really cyclical in terms of the intense idealism, and the desire to create a better life outside of societal norms. - Lauren Groff

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music. - Albert Einstein


see also   Medical  &  Redneck   Sections
Blonde’s Medical Dictionary
Far Wood Sale
New Medic Alert Bracelet
Redneck Dictionary
Special “Southernisms”

 

Pittsburghese

Whose Problem

Grasping Shirt

An Evening Prayer

Baby Clone

Piano Ring

Religious Nuts

Funnel Farm

Urinal Challenge

Snow Detour

Redneck GPS

Snow Receiver

Book Perspective

Why Stand In Line?

How Twins Are Made
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24-Jan-2021