[A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report...]
MOST HONOURABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
Lawyers are natural politicians. - Clarence Darrow
Justice delayed is justice denied. - William Gladstone
Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North
Lawyers are men who hire out their words and anger. - Robert Christy
Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
I have always fought for concrete facts, for justice. - Fidel Castro
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
Law of Inflation: Whatever goes up will go up some more. - Kin Hubbard
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. - H L Mencken
I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge. - Gerald Jampolsky
How many lawyer jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories. - Thomas F Shubnell
Lawyers are like rabbits. They have a nasty habit of multiplying. - Leo Reilly
A society that has more justice is a society that needs less charity. - Ralph Nader
Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa
The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. - Charles E Hughes
You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? - Douglas Adams
True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark
The four absolutes we all have in our minds: love, justice, evil, and forgiveness. - Ravi Zacharias
May you live your life as if the maxim of your actions were to become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton
Mob law does not become due process of law by securing the assent of a terrorized jury. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes
As to lawyers, their profession is supported by the indiscriminate defense of right and wrong. - Junius
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. - Anatole France
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide. - Will Rogers
Lawyers are like painters - once they get into a house, you never know when you will get rid of them again. - Peter A Graham
Lawyers are like professional wrestlers. They pretend to get mad and fight, but then they socialize after a trial is over. - Robert Whitlow
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams
Lawyers are like cheeses. There are lots of good ones, but not everybody likes the taste of some or can afford the best of others. - Robin Ellison
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
We discern across the centuries a commanding and versatile intelligence, wielding with equal force the sword of war and of justice. - Winston Churchill
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein
Too many young folk have an addiction to superficial things and not enough conviction for substantial things like justice, truth and love. - Cornel West
Most people ask questions because they want to know the answer; lawyers are trained never to ask questions unless they already know the answer. - Lani Guinier
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