[A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report...]
MOST HONOURABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
The law itself follows gold. - Propertius
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Position is nine-tenths of the law. - Archie Bunker
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard
A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying
All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot
We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman
If you want peace, you must work for justice. - Pope Paul VI
Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown
I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North
A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying
Where there's a will there's a lawsuit. - Addison Mizner
There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost
Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner
Good lawyers know the law. Great lawyers know the judge. - Unknown
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus
Sometimes justice is at its most merciful when it's blind. - Nancy Gibbs
A lawyer's opinion is worth nothing unless it is paid for. - Unknown
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. - Ambrose Bierce
The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr
The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde
Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler
Lawyers are a bad lot... They cheat their living out of honest people. - Albert R Carman
So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa
He who will always be his own lawyer will often have a fool for a client. - J Hunter
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster
I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit and once when I won one. - Voltaire
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law. - Stockwell Day
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide. - Will Rogers
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in. - Brendan Behan
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
There is never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy; that's why there are lawyers. - Melvin Belli
Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy
It might be pardonable to refuse to defend some men, but to defend them negligently is nothing short of criminal. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damage awards. - Jodi Picoult
The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin
It is the business of a lawyer to find a hole to creep out of any law that is in his way; and if there is no hole, to make one. - W Ouseley
Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together. - Daniel Webster
Lawyers are doubters, skeptics; not in a bad sense. But they never know any thing absolutely and utterly without qualifications or modifications. - G N Tillman
Lawyers are like unrequited lovers: you give them an inch, and they go for the whole nine yards; you take off one shoe, and they pull down your pants. - Andres Rueda
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