[A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report...]
MOST HONOURABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE, I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL.
I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.
Do you not know that I am above the law? - James II
We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard
Lawyers are fleas on the hide of human nature. - Stephen King
Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. - Martin Luther King Jr.
It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray
Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Lawyers are like beavers. They get in the mainstream and dam it up. - John Naisbitt
Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
Justice without force is powerless; force without justice is tyrannical. - Blaise Pascal
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere
I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? - Douglas Adams
Time is money, especially when you're talking to a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe-kster
Ethics and equity and the principles of justice do not change with the calendar. - D.H. Lawrence
Lawyers are operators of toll bridges which anyone in search of justice must pass. - Jane Bryant Quinn
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
May you live your life as if the maxim of your actions were to become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour. - Thomas Jefferson
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon
I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe. - Dalai Lama
Zymurgy’s Law of Volunteer Labour: People are always available for work in the past tense - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Once in a lifetime the longed-for tidal wave of justice can rise up, and hope and history rhyme. - Seamus Heaney
Most of the dishonest lawyers are the product of dishonest clients - the demand creates the supply. - Morris Salem
We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra
Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell
Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in. - Brendan Behan
Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde
There is not Communism or Marxism, but representative democracy and social justice in a well-planned economy. - Fidel Castro
A lawyer's duty is to read the law well himself, then tell the people what it is, and let them act upon it. - Brigham Young
Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy
People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman
When the monetary damages are smaller, lawyers will find themselves less zealous in their pursuit of what they call justice. - Dean O'Hare
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. - John Adams
Judge: 1. A law student who marks his own examination papers; 2. A lawyer who once knew a politician; 3. A man in a trying position. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The denial of an objective moral law based on the compulsion to deny the existence of God results ultimately in the denial of evil itself. - Ravi Zacharias
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. - Tim Allen
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France
Lawyers are like unrequited lovers: you give them an inch, and they go for the whole nine yards; you take off one shoe, and they pull down your pants. - Andres Rueda
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