Redneck Car Alarm

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Lassitude: A heroic dog with attitude - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To err is human, for forgive, canine. - Unknown

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water. - Latin Proverb

The scalded dog fears hot water, and afterwards, cold. - Italian Proverb

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! - The Wizard of Oz

Gigantic: The biggest, scariest bug in your dog's fur - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Dogs come into our lives and leave paw prints on our hearts. - Unknown

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

No man should live where he can hear his neighbor's dog bark. - Nathaniel Macon

When the hares have all been caught, the hunting dogs are cooked. - Laozi

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue. - Unknown

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

If I could be half the person my dog is, I'd be twice the human I am. - Unknown

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Sleeping is my drug; my bed is my dealer; and my alarm clock is the police. - Unknown

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother willing to let him have one. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. - Unknown

I am obsessed with Costco. I love the salmon and rotisserie chicken, the dog beds. - Kris Jenner

I wear a fun sock when I travel to give the security staff a well-deserved chuckle. - Chelsea Peretti

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. - Unknown

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair. - Arnold Toynbee

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Ever wonder where you'd end up if you took your dog for a walk and never once pulled back on the leash? - Robert Brault

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. - Hartman Jule

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid; 'What am I going to do with two dead dogs?' - Gary Delaney

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. - Alfred N Whitehead

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright