Doctor’s Hunting Skills

Sizing up the duck hunting grounds


Five Doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead.

The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. “I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said, “I think that I will have to get a second opinion.” And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. “I’ll have to do some more investigations,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity. “Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards. BOOM! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
“Go see if that was a duck, will you?”


QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen

The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck. - Walter Cronkite

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. - Tim Vine

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros


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05-Apr-2020