Doctor’s Hunting Skills

Sizing up the duck hunting grounds


Five Doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead.

The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. “I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said, “I think that I will have to get a second opinion.” And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. “I’ll have to do some more investigations,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity. “Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards. BOOM! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
“Go see if that was a duck, will you?”


QuotaBills
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Asphyxiation: What a surgeon does about an asphalt - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

Hunting: the least honorable form of war on the weak. - Paul Richard

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Lake: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

If you turn the imagination loose like a hunting dog, it will often return with the bird in its mouth. - William Maxwell

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


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28-May-2022