HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


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Love is a grave mental disease. - Plato

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One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

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If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation. - Irvin S Cobb

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

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My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

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Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

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What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope

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22-Jan-2021