HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


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Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb

Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

Not enough people know what Lyme disease is and the dangers of being bitten by an insect. - Gigi Hadid

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - WC Fields

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles


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03-Jul-2020