HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


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Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

When you treat a disease, first treat the mind. - Chen Jen

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost

Alzheimer's disease starts when a protein that should be folded up properly misfolds into a kind of demented origami. - Gregory Petsko

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin


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08-Apr-2020