A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”
“What is HAGS?” the man asks.
“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.
“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”
“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”
“Is that going to help me,” says the man.
“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides
An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg
Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
Not enough people know what Lyme disease is and the dangers of being bitten by an insect. - Gigi Hadid
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - WC Fields
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
Caring is the essence of nursing. - Jean Watson
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides
An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
About half my time is spent on business operation type stuff. - Mark Zuckerberg
Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
Not enough people know what Lyme disease is and the dangers of being bitten by an insect. - Gigi Hadid
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - WC Fields
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
As it takes two to make a quarrel, so it takes two to make a disease, the microbe and its host. - Charles V. Chapin
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
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03-Jul-2020 |