HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


QuotaBills
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Clinic: House of pill repute. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Disease is the retribution of outraged nature. - Hosea Ballou

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

A nurse will always give us hope, an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Operation: A surgical job taking minutes to do and years to describe - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Antitoxidote cruisin' through my system looking for some disease to attack. - Archie Bunker

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

An ugly woman is a disease of the stomach; a handsome woman a disease of the head. - Italian Proverb

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

Co-Operation: An exchange between a woman and a man in which she coos and he operates - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Snaccident: Eating an entire pizza, box of chocolates, or family size bag of chips by mistake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler

When you’re a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours. - Unknown

You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

It is unthinkable for a Frenchman to arrive at middle age without having syphilis and the Cross of the Legion of Honor. - Andre Gide

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield


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27-May-2022