A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”
“What is HAGS?” the man asks.
“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.
“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”
“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”
“Is that going to help me,” says the man.
“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”
Love is a grave mental disease. - Plato
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
A dreaded disease is infilteratin' our home - Archie Bunker
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert
Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown
You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation. - Irvin S Cobb
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke
The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of being unwanted. - Mother Teresa
You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Asthma is a disease that has practically the same symptoms as passion except that with asthma it lasts longer. - Unknown
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
A dreaded disease is infilteratin' our home - Archie Bunker
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert
Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown
You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation. - Irvin S Cobb
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke
The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of being unwanted. - Mother Teresa
You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis. - Unknown
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson
We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Asthma is a disease that has practically the same symptoms as passion except that with asthma it lasts longer. - Unknown
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
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