HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


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Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

An operation of the most extreme daring. - Alfred Jodl

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Disease is the retribution of outraged nature. - Hosea Ballou

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

Antitoxidote cruisin' through my system looking for some disease to attack. - Archie Bunker

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

Equine Influenza: A viral respiratory disease which causes flu-like symptoms in horses - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

I had a job selling hearing aids from door to door. It wasn't easy, because your best prospects never answered. - Bob Monkhouse

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

My daily diet consists of basically anything I think looks tasty, whether that's pizza, sushi, burgers, quesadillas. I like everything. - Cameron Dallas

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin


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18-Apr-2021