Fix The Outhouse, Pa!

How Ma knows it’s time for repair


Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, “Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!”

Pa replies, “There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse.”

Ma yells back, “Yes there is, now git out there and fix it.”

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with the outhouse!”

Ma replies, “Stick yur head in the hole!”

Pa yells back, “I ain’t stickin my head in that hole!”

Ma says, “Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix.”

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, “Ma! There ain’t nuthin wrong with this outhouse!”

Ma hollers back, “Now take your head out of the hole!”

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, “Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!”

To which Ma replies, “Hurts, don’t it?”


QuotaBills
Asphalt: Rectum trouble. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Can you fix my husband? He says he's broke. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Igloo: 1. An icicle built for two; 2. An Alaskan toilet. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

The person who broke you can't be the one to fix you. - Unknown

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper. - Daphne Zuniga

Like toilet paper, laughter is in short supply these days. - Phil Callaway

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Don't listen to their words, fix your attention on their deeds. - Albert Einstein

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Rex Reed

Hod: (Southern) Not easy. Usage: 'A broken hot is hod to fix.' - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place! - P.J. O'Rourke

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - Billy Wilder

Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Jitterbug: 1. A Scotchman in front of a pay toilet; 2. Insect that's had too much coffee. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I wish I were a little girl again because skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart. - Julia Roberts

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast. - Liz Phair

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Some habits of ineffectiveness are rooted in our social conditioning toward quick-fix, short-term thinking. - Stephen Covey

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


see also   Bad Gas,  Bathroom  &   Redneck  Sections
Farmer’s Hole
Fix It Later Detour

 

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02-Jul-2022