We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.
When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.
Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?
When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”
He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.
We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue
QuotaBills
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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27-Jan-2020 |