Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen

Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

I've always been independent. I've always had courage. But I didn't always own my diabetes. - Mary Tyler Moore

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


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21-Jan-2021