Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
Flew: Plane sickness. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts

Deliver: An organ in de body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen

A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody. - Thomas Paine

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler

Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso


see also   Bad Gas  &  Doctor  Sections
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06-Jul-2022