Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Gangrene: To be feeling sick - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis

Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown

A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler

Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo

It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

Pride: 1. A disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it; 2. Pride is what we have - vanity is what others have. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

When you are called to a sick man, be sure you know what the matter is — if you do not know, nature can do a great deal better than you can guess. - Nicholas de Belleville

Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown


see also   Bad Gas  &  Doctor  Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
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03-Aug-2020