Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Boredom is a sickness of the soul. - Unknown

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb

Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

The public needs to know - they need to know as much about atrial fibrillation as they do about cancer and diabetes. - Barry Manilow

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin

Albert Schweitzer's philosophy is that a sick, miserable African of today can be a strong healthy cannibal tomorrow. - Joe E Lewis

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


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31-May-2020