Colorectal Surgeon Praise  Audio Clip

Watch out for Colorectal Surgeons – they’ll get you in the end!


We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.

We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.

When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.

Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?

When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.

We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.



Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue

QuotaBills
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North

For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

Zeal: A nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. - Ambrose Bierce

Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

In a sick-room or a bed-room there should never be shutters shut. - Florence Nightingale

Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley

Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen

You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary. - Martin Luther

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall

If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end... the person will die. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown


see also   Bad Gas  &  Doctor  Sections
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29-Oct-2020