We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
We respect the Colorectal Surgeon
Miss a calling you would crave
Lift up your hands and join us -
Let’s all do the finger wave.
When it comes to spreading joy there are many techniques -
Some spread joy to the world, and others just spread cheeks;
Some may think the cardiologist is their best friend -
But the Colorectal Surgeon knows… he’ll get you in the end.
Why be a Colorectal Surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things…
Is it because in natural prescience
There are always openings?
When I first met a Colorectal Surgeon
He did not quite understand
I said, “Heh, it’s nice to meet you, but do you mind - we don’t shake hands.”
He sailed right through medical school because he was a whiz
Oh, but he never thought of psychology though he read passages…
A doctor he once had to be, for golf he loved to play –
But this is not quite what he meant – by 18 holes a day.
We praise the Colorectal Surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned;
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine.
Thanks to the Canadian comedy duo Bowser and Blue
QuotaBills
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
Flew: Plane sickness. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts
Deliver: An organ in de body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody. - Thomas Paine
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts
Deliver: An organ in de body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Space ails us moderns: we are sick with space. - Robert Frost
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. - Kin Hubbard
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. - Caryn Leschen
A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody. - Thomas Paine
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman
Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Our memories are card indexes consulted, and then put back in disorder, by authorities whom we do not control. - Cyril Connolly
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Consuming mushrooms regularly has been associated with decreased risk of breast, stomach and colorectal cancers. - Joel Fuhrman
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
There is a great difference between mind and body insomuch as body is by nature always divisible, and the mind is entirely indivisible. - Rene Descartes
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
Nurse: 1. A woman whose business is to make sickness a pleasure; 2. A young women who holds your wrist and then expects your pulse to be normal. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
see also Bad Gas & Doctor Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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06-Jul-2022 |