1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of “Guns & Ammo” magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
We’ve gone for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the postman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
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