‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The punch and the candy, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d not said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt;
I said to myself, as I only can
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie - not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore -
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb
The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis
When I go I'll take New Year's Eve with me. - Guy Lombardo
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right. - Oprah Winfrey
It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas
I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore
Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time. - Jean Paul Richter
He who breaks a resolution is a weakling. He who makes one is a fool. - F.M. Knowles
And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams
Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown
Your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing. - Abraham Lincoln
Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. - John Selden
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Unknown
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. - John Burroughs
The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul. - G K Chesterton
But can one still make resolutions when one is over forty? I live according to twenty-year-old habits. - Andre Gide
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. - Benjamin Franklin
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan
Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan
An individual starts off by facing his problem with resolution, but a convention saves the resolution for the end. - Unknown
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate
New Year's Day ... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
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Ode To The New Year
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Redneck New Years Resolutions You Can Keep
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