Punjabi Airways

Where safety standards are very high


Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!

For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!


QuotaBills
Don't just fly, soar. - Walt Disney

Conference: Hot air on a high level. - Gerald Barzan

It's opener there in the wide open air. - Dr. Seuss

Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin

Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness. - Alejandro Jodorowsky

If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing. - J M Barrie

The press is like the air, a chartered libertine. - William Pitt The Elder

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying. - Unknown

The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton

Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

I have wings on the back of my shoulders and I'm ready to fly. - Pamela Laskin

For those determined to fly, having no wings is just a little detail. - Unknown

Every rupee of profit made by an Englishman is lost for ever to India. - Edmund Burke

Our Air Corps reunion was held to rememmorate the great things we done. - Archie Bunker

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

Pigs had just officially sprouted wings and were flying alongside airplanes. - Jennifer L Armentrout

The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell

With birds flying around, man's desire for having wings rises to infinite. - Mehmet M Ildan

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

Time passes too fast. Like a hummingbird flying by, it's just a blur to my eyes. - Amanda Leigh

Birds find shelter during the rain, but eagles avoid rain by flying above the clouds. - Abdul Kalam

She would stay there, flying across the sea like a mermaid with wings, until the end. - Natalia Marx

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

Learn to adapt like a bird. We can only dream of flying, but the bird has already grown her wings. - Debasish Mridha

I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell

A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau

Living as we do in an age of noise and bluster, success is now measured accordingly. We must all be seen, and heard, and on the air. - Daphne du Maurier

Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz

Music is amoral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. - Plato

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. - Victor Hugo


see also   Airplane,  Nationality,  Safety  &  Stress  Sections
African Airlines
African Ambulance
African Lunch
Air Meal
Airbus 2006 - A Tale of Two Pilots
Amish Airlines - Maiden Voyage
Flight Instructions
Geriatric Flight
India Airlines Economy Flight
Invisible Air Force One
Kulula Airlines - Flying 101
Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
Middle East Airlines
Plain Plane Seat
Redneck Airlines

 

Dumped Truck

SnowCut

Umbrella For Two

Sink Drinker

Pilot Lounge

Pedal Operated Washing Machine

Just Chillin' Out

Bee Prepared

Work Siesta

Cold Books

Zebra Keyboard

Sing It Out

Cold One

Cheerful Trees

Rooftop Steps

Racing a 'Hot Rod'

Nemo Found at Japanese Sushi Bar

Painting The Center Line

Kitchen Recycling

Work Not
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03-Mar-2021