Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjabi Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjabi Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! I take great pleasure in announcing that starting this year, over 50 per cent of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don’t quite make it, Punjabi Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the kith and kin. Our stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth, pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits, provided you have paid for the coupons twice!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. However, if we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won’t be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew’s wedding. Thank you for choosing Punjabi Airways. Have a nice journey!
Owning a drone does not a pilot make. - Alex Morritt
It's opener there in the wide open air. - Dr. Seuss
Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb
Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown
You cannot fly like an eagle with the wings of a wren. - William Henry Hudson
Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. - Al McGuire
The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson
This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy
If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders
Every rupee of profit made by an Englishman is lost for ever to India. - Edmund Burke
The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott
If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams
If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova
The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters
It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert
Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie
He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb
My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson
We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown
Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius
I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore
I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see. - Bob Hope
Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell
I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali
When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben
Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau
It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin
Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes
It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla
Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau
If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard
Airplane, Nationality, Safety & Stress Sections
Airbus 2006 - A Tale of Two Pilots
Amish Airlines - Maiden Voyage
India Airlines Economy Flight
Invisible Air Force One
Kulula Airlines - Flying 101
Lutheran Airlines – New Service in Minnesnowta
Middle East Airlines
Plain Plane Seat
Fish Eye Lens
Mea Culpa Road
Eye For Coffee
Like No Udder
Egyptian Pyramid Scheme
Iron Horse Carriage
How Pitbulls Really Fight