Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
Lawyers are guardians of the legal order. - Philip Wood
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit. - Henry Adams
Oregano: The ancient Italian art of pizza folding - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We shall now proceed to construct the Socialist order. - Lenin
I had to deny knowledge in order to make room for faith. - Immanuel Kant
People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. - Dalai Lama
Dubm Waiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Pierre de Beaumarchais
I shudder to think that one day someone may give the same order for Rome. - Scipio Aemilianus
When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne
I keep on making what I can't do yet in order to learn to be able to do it. - Vincent van Gogh
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso
You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life. - Governor Grand Moff Tarkin
In this religious order has flourished and is revitalized the order of Knighthood. - Knights Templar
Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown
It's one of the great urban myths that people get pregnant in order to have children. - Menzies Campbell
In order to be big, you have to think big. If you think small, you're going to be small. - Emeril Lagasse
Snaccident: Eating an entire pizza, box of chocolates, or family size bag of chips by mistake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
She needed the chaos within her in order to discover the extraordinary no man could ever reach. - Robert M. Drake
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
I actually lost 90 pounds over the course of 15 months in order to save money on life insurance. - Derek Kilmer
Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order. - John Adams
In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it. - Mitch Albom
The purpose of whistleblowing is to expose secret and wrongful acts by those in power in order to enable reform. - Glenn Greenwald
I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible. - Fred Smith
I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana
Moses took us Israelis forty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil. - Golda Meir
Businesses should follow and learn from others' successes and failures in order to better understand and predict their own. - Ben Mezrich
In order to engage on social, in order to attract customers, regardless of what kind of customer you have, you have to build trust. - Lindsay Scarpello
I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford
I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi. - Jean Pigozzi
The difficulties which I meet with in order to realize my existence are precisely what awaken and mobilize my activities, my capacities. - José Ortega Y Gasset
Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft
Most people spend most of their days doing what they do not want to do in order to earn the right, at times, to do what they may desire. - John Brown
My daily diet consists of basically anything I think looks tasty, whether that's pizza, sushi, burgers, quesadillas. I like everything. - Cameron Dallas
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
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01-Aug-2021 |