Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle
Lawyers are guardians of the legal order. - Philip Wood
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
Oregano: The ancient Italian art of pizza folding - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Attempt the impossible in order to improve your work. - Bette Davis
Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order. - Samuel Beckett
In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. - Unknown
In order to be irreplaceacle, one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? - George Carlin
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order. - Jean Cocteau
After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown
When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne
I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order. - John Burroughs
Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning. - C S Lewis
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. - Steve Martin
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso
Zero: The number of times you’ve gotten to eat most of the pizza you ordered - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order. - Alfred N Whitehead
It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. - Peter De Vries
I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn. - Robert Frost
They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery. - Bill Murray
I actually lost 90 pounds over the course of 15 months in order to save money on life insurance. - Derek Kilmer
Life is like a bank account. You must put something in it in order for you to take anything out. - Joe Segal
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein
In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it. - Mitch Albom
The purpose of whistleblowing is to expose secret and wrongful acts by those in power in order to enable reform. - Glenn Greenwald
Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang
God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way. - C S Lewis
I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success. - Ingrid Bergman
Moses took us Israelis forty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil. - Golda Meir
Lots of time you have to pretend to join a parade in which you are really not interested in order to get where you're going. - Christopher Morley
A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney
In order to have great happiness you have to have great pain and unhappiness - otherwise how would you know when you're happy? - Leslie Caron
I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford
My daily diet consists of basically anything I think looks tasty, whether that's pizza, sushi, burgers, quesadillas. I like everything. - Cameron Dallas
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
Miracle: An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king. - Ambrose Bierce
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05-Jul-2022 |