Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down. - Brian Weir
In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus
Words were not given to man in order to conceal his thoughts. - Jose Saramago
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? - George Carlin
In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. - Count Talleyrand
In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. - Charles de Gaulle
In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence. - Robert Lynd
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth
I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be. - Albert Einstein
The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order. - Jean Cocteau
When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne
I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order. - John Burroughs
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. - Groucho Marx
I keep on making what I can't do yet in order to learn to be able to do it. - Vincent van Gogh
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso
You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate your life. - Governor Grand Moff Tarkin
In this religious order has flourished and is revitalized the order of Knighthood. - Knights Templar
It is not necessary to hope in order to undertake, nor to succeed in order to persevere. - Charles the Bold
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke
Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order. - John Adams
In order to live free and happily you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice. - Richard Bach
Men are born with two eyes but with one tongue, in order that they may see twice as much as they say. - C.C. Colton
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson
From where we stand the rain seems random. If we could stand somewhere else, we would see the order in it. - Tony Hillerman
Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang
I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible. - Fred Smith
I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success. - Ingrid Bergman
When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky
Moses took us Israelis forty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil. - Golda Meir
The mathematical sciences particularly exhibit order, symmetry, and limitation; and these are the greatest forms of the beautiful. - Aristotle
I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi. - Jean Pigozzi
Most people spend most of their days doing what they do not want to do in order to earn the right, at times, to do what they may desire. - John Brown
Among creatures born into chaos, a majority will imagine an order, a minority will question the order, and the rest will be pronounced insane. - Robert Brault
The men who have done big things are those who were not afraid to attempt big things, who were not afraid to risk failure in order to gain success. - B.C. Forbes
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27-Jan-2020 |