Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
Good order is the foundation of all things. - Edmund Burke
Order is the shape upon which beauty depends. - Pearl S. Buck
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit. - Henry Adams
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down. - Brian Weir
In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
In order to be irreplaceacle, one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
Do your job and demand your compensation - but in that order. - Cary Grant
Words were not given to man in order to conceal his thoughts. - Jose Saramago
In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. - Count Talleyrand
In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. - Charles de Gaulle
In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence. - Robert Lynd
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth
I shudder to think that one day someone may give the same order for Rome. - Scipio Aemilianus
The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order. - Jean Cocteau
When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne
In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion. - Albert Camus
In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision. - Dalai Lama
I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order. - John Burroughs
I keep on making what I can't do yet in order to learn to be able to do it. - Vincent van Gogh
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso
In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time. - Anthony d'Angelo
It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. - Peter De Vries
You must live with people to know their problems, and live with God in order to solve them. - P.T. Forsyth
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. - P.J. O'Rourke
The capitalist chain is again threatening to break at the weakest link. Spain is next in order. - Leon Trotsky
I actually lost 90 pounds over the course of 15 months in order to save money on life insurance. - Derek Kilmer
Life is like a bank account. You must put something in it in order for you to take anything out. - Joe Segal
Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order. - John Adams
Order, unity, and continuity are human inventions, just as truly as catalogues and encyclopedias. - Bertrand Russell
Men are born with two eyes but with one tongue, in order that they may see twice as much as they say. - C.C. Colton
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson
From where we stand the rain seems random. If we could stand somewhere else, we would see the order in it. - Tony Hillerman
Moses took us Israelis forty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil. - Golda Meir
Businesses should follow and learn from others' successes and failures in order to better understand and predict their own. - Ben Mezrich
The mathematical sciences particularly exhibit order, symmetry, and limitation; and these are the greatest forms of the beautiful. - Aristotle
Most people spend most of their days doing what they do not want to do in order to earn the right, at times, to do what they may desire. - John Brown
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26-Feb-2020 |