Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”
Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”
Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “Whaddya mean?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”
Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”
Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the
cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”
Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
Order is the shape upon which beauty depends. - Pearl S. Buck
We often do good in order that we may do evil with impunity. - Francoise de la Rochefoucauld
Words were not given to man in order to conceal his thoughts. - Jose Saramago
In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd. - Miguel de Cervantes
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. - Dalai Lama
In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant. - Charles de Gaulle
It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. - Pierre de Beaumarchais
We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer
I shudder to think that one day someone may give the same order for Rome. - Scipio Aemilianus
The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order. - Jean Cocteau
After exercising I always eat pizza... just kidding. I don't exercise. - Unknown
When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne
In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision. - Dalai Lama
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso
Zero: The number of times you’ve gotten to eat most of the pizza you ordered - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown
It's one of the great urban myths that people get pregnant in order to have children. - Menzies Campbell
You must live with people to know their problems, and live with God in order to solve them. - P.T. Forsyth
I have CDO. It's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be. - Unknown
I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn. - Robert Frost
I actually lost 90 pounds over the course of 15 months in order to save money on life insurance. - Derek Kilmer
In order to live free and happily you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice. - Richard Bach
Order, unity, and continuity are human inventions, just as truly as catalogues and encyclopedias. - Bertrand Russell
In order to have faith in his own path, he does not need to prove that someone else's path is wrong. - Paulo Coelho
In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it. - Mitch Albom
From where we stand the rain seems random. If we could stand somewhere else, we would see the order in it. - Tony Hillerman
Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang
I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible. - Fred Smith
I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success. - Ingrid Bergman
My mother reads the obituary page every day, but she could never understand how people always die in alphabetical order. - Frank Carson
A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney
A party of order or stability, and a party of progress or reform, are both necessary elements of a healthy state of political life. - John Stuart Mill
I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford
I'm always interested in finding the new trend. If you love pizza every day, after 22 years of eating pizza, you want to try sushi. - Jean Pigozzi
The difficulties which I meet with in order to realize my existence are precisely what awaken and mobilize my activities, my capacities. - José Ortega Y Gasset
Sometimes, in order to follow our moral compass and/or our hearts, we have to make unpopular decisions or stand up for what we believe in. - Tabatha Coffey
The men who have done big things are those who were not afraid to attempt big things, who were not afraid to risk failure in order to gain success. - B.C. Forbes
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06-Jun-2020 |