Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Champions train. Losers complain. - Unknown

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard

The way to avoid roadblocks to learning is to ask questions. - Joseph J. Thomas

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you. - William Blake

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen. - WC Fields

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward. - John Maynard Keynes

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. - Bill Vaughan

Surround yourself with positive people and situations, and avoid negativity. - Doreen Virtue

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

Fitness needs to be perceived as fun and games or we subconsciously avoid it. - Alan Thicke

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul. - Carl Jung

It's not the bulls or the bears you need to avoid, it's the bum steers. - Chuck Hillis

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

A collection of rare thoughts is nothing less than a cabinet of intellectual gems. - William B. Sprague

Isn't life a collection of weird quizzes with no answers to half the questions? - Pawan Mishra

It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

People spend entire lifetimes trying to avoid the things that have already happened. - Silvia Hartmann

I mistrust all systematizers and avoid them. The will to a system is a lack of integrity. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron

There ain't no man can avoid being born average. But there ain't no man got to be common. - Satchel Paige

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

I think the shocking thing to discover is the owls are not stupid and very feral, very hard to train. - Robbie Coltrane

The easiest way to avoid wrong notes is to never open your mouth and sing. What a mistake that would be. - Pete Seeger

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. - Mahatma Gandhi

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules H Poincare

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table. - Joe Biden

Do not train boys to learning by force and harshness, but lead them by what amuses them, so that they may better discover the bent of their minds. - Plato


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
Suitcase Inspection
Welcome To Scotland

 

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11-Jul-2020