Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid. - Publilius Syrus

He who asks questions cannot avoid the answers. - Cameroon Proverb

Those who trade liberty for security have neither. - John Adams

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

You often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it. - French Proverb

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. - Dale Carnegie

There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity. - Douglas MacAurthur

School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The history of Scotland is one of theology tempered by homicide. - Ivor Brown

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it. - John Steinbeck

A man must learn to endure patiently what he cannot avoid conveniently. - Michel de Montaigne

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train. - David Lee Roth

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own soul. - Carl Jung

I am on a ketos diet so I avoid sugar, dairy products, wheat, grain or pulses. - Puneet Issar

He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity. - Sheldon B. Kopp

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train! - Mariah Carey

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Aristotle

Real joy seems to me almost as unlike security or prosperity as it is unlike agony. - C S Lewis

Ticket Scalper: A man who enables you to see one football game for the price of five - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The more you learn about the dignity of the gorilla, the more you want to avoid people. - Dian Fossey

Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye

All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron

Never let life's hardships disturb you... no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages. - Nichiren Daishonen

I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson

All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. - Robert Breault

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist - the taxidermist leaves the hide. - Mortimer Caplan

Hard work is the soundest investment. It provides a neat security for your widow's next husband. - Unknown

The easiest way to avoid wrong notes is to never open your mouth and sing. What a mistake that would be. - Pete Seeger

Unlucky: Crossing the street to avoid walking under a ladder and getting hit by a truck full of horseshoes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death. - James F. Bymes

The only security men can have for their political liberty, consists in keeping their money in their own pockets. - Lysander Spooner

If you can't even acknowledge that you have to fix social security, that's not a very good starting point. - Rob Portman

My best security is within the munitions of an immutable Jehovah, where His unalterable promises stand like giant walls of rock. - Charles H Spurgeon

The very things we wish to avoid, neglect and flee from turn out to be the 'prima materia' from which all real growth comes. - Andrew Harvey

If a train is coming at you, closing your eyes won't save you... but if you look right at it, you at least have a chance to jump. - Andrew Vachss

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
Suitcase Inspection
Welcome To Scotland

 

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24-Jan-2022