Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie, Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie 'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart see also Bad Gas Section Acceptable Doctors Sign Car-nage Car Surgeon Colon Celery Colonoscopy Comments Colorectal Exam For Dogs Colorectal Surgeon Praise Constipated Mathematician Doctor’s Flat Examination Dog Proctologist Exhausting Gyne Work Fart Facts First Proctologist Exam (PG) German Flatulence Control Japanese Diving Platform Menopause Sucks Proctologist Call Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice Singing Gynecologist |
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