Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
it’s like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it disnae reek
But a’ the efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
A’ hope a’ huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a’ better scurry
Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry
A’body roon aboot me choakin’
One or two are nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
It wis him! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
I’m no that welcome any mair
Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
That sounds jist the joab fir me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy. - Amy Sedaris
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. - Alexander Pope
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
see also Bad Gas Section
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car-nage
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colonoscopy Comments
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Dog Proctologist
Exhausting Gyne Work
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Menopause Sucks
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
 Cow Nap |  Ear Chip |  Sleep With Us |  Puppy Taco |  Fresh Air Computing |
 Koalified |  How Much Time Left |  Expandable Equation |  Devoted Husband |  Statue of Libertea |
 Beaver Stretching |  Social Media Explained |  Famous Equations |  Ain't Mowing the Lawn Anymore |  Crocpox |
 Deer Me! |  Inverted Helicopter |  Water Hat |  NASCAR Fan - Diehard Category |  Busted |
29-May-2022 |