Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie,
Lurks in yer bellie efter a feastie,
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There starts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Start working like a gentle breeze
But soon the pudding wi’ the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin’ a’ ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
a’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
it’s like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try tae stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae god it disnae reek
But a’ the efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets arrond the room
Michty me! a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
A’ hope a’ huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a’ better scurry
Whit the hell, it’s no ma worry
A’body roon aboot me choakin’
One or two are nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
It wis him! I shout and glower
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger! They shout and stare
I’m no that welcome any mair
Where e’re ye go let yer wind gang free
That sounds jist the joab fir me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Every essential oil has a healing purpose. I think it's a great gift because it's something that elevates your mood and your health. - Yolanda Hadid
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
see also Bad Gas Section
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car-nage
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colonoscopy Comments
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Dog Proctologist
Exhausting Gyne Work
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Menopause Sucks
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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12-Aug-2020 |