Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.
“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re
all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.
There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main
dish, and 22-30, a dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety
system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.
Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden
loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill
Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure
would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I
vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes.
You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back
up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence
vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet,
sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.
In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s
Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive
those who sin against us, vich some people
say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?
The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may
interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all
the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant
you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.
Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the
coffee pot up front.
Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t
take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not
Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to
us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close.
Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor
Don't just fly, soar. - Walt Disney
Music is the poetry of the air. - Jean Paul Richter
There is no flying without wings. - French Proverb
It's opener there in the wide open air. - Dr. Seuss
Give your stress wings and let it fly away. - Gerri Guillemets
The shell must break before the bird can fly. - Unknown
Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown
Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying. - Unknown
What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey
Flying without feathers is not easy; my wings have no feathers. - Plautus
I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton
Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller
This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy
We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti
Our Air Corps reunion was held to rememmorate the great things we done. - Archie Bunker
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. - Douglas Adams
With birds flying around, man's desire for having wings rises to infinite. - Mehmet M Ildan
Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore
There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes
Birds find shelter during the rain, but eagles avoid rain by flying above the clouds. - Abdul Kalam
My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson
We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown
I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore
Learn to close your eyes and trust. Learn to open your heart and love. Learn to take the risk and fly. - Maxime Lagace
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford
A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson
There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar
The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie
It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla
If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard
Pilots take no special joy in walking: pilots like flying. Pilots generally take pride in a good landing, not in getting out of the vehicle. - Neil Armstrong
When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta
Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz
Like a prisoner awaiting his release, like a schoolboy when the end of term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone. - Malcolm Muggeridge
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