Lutheran Airlines - New Service
in Minnesnowta

Consider Lutheran Air - the no-frills airline



Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.

“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.

There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.

Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.

Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.”



Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor

QuotaBills
Don't just fly, soar. - Walt Disney

Conference: Hot air on a high level. - Gerald Barzan

Wishing to be a bird so you can Fly Away. - Unknown

Never eat spinach just before going on the air. - Dan Rather

Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness. - Alejandro Jodorowsky

If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing. - J M Barrie

The press is like the air, a chartered libertine. - William Pitt The Elder

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown

The bird who dares to fall is the bird who learns to fly. - Unknown

He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry

Germany may have recovered a flying saucer as early as 1939. - Jimmy Doolittle

If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down. - Roy T Bennett

The sky is the limit only for those who aren't afraid to fly. - Bob Bello

Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

If the lambs were flying, wolves would have also the wings to fly. - Mehmet M Ildan

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first. - Unknown

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

I love Halloween: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner. - Evan Peters

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

Birds with broken wings walking on the ground were once flying high up in the sky. - Mehmet M Ildan

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

Stop the words now. Open the window in the center of your chest and let the spirits fly in and out. - Rumi

Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell

The blazing wings of dawn spirited me away, Dragon-swift above the suns-rise, flying to my destiny beyond the clouds. - Marc Secchia

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
So just what are time flies, and why do they fly like an arrow? - Groucho Marx

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben

The understanding must not therefore be supplied with wings, but rather hung with weights, to keep it fro leaping and flying. - Francis Bacon

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline. - Harvey Mackay

When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta

A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. - Franklin D Roosevelt

Music is amoral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. - Plato

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. - Victor Hugo


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03-Jul-2022