Lutheran Airlines - New Service
in Minnesnowta

Consider Lutheran Air - the no-frills airline



Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.

“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.

There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.

Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.

Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.”



Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor

QuotaBills
On wings of wind came flying all abroad. - Alexander Pope

Wishing to be a bird so you can Fly Away. - Unknown

Never eat spinach just before going on the air. - Dan Rather

Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness. - Alejandro Jodorowsky

If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing. - J M Barrie

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks

The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton

Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

For those determined to fly, having no wings is just a little detail. - Unknown

If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first. - Unknown

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

A man who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely called a liberal. - American Proverb

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

I don't know about flying, but sometimes it feels like I have these little wings on my feet. - Michael Jordan

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner

Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius

I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it. - Golda Meir

I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau

Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline. - Harvey Mackay

I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' - Sylvia Plath

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi


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Punjabi Airways

 

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30-Sep-2020