Lutheran Airlines - New Service
in Minnesnowta

Consider Lutheran Air - the no-frills airline



Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.

“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.

There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.

Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.

Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.”



Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor

QuotaBills
Don't just fly, soar. - Walt Disney

Breathing dreams like air. - F Scott Fitzgerald

The only victory over love is flight. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Never eat spinach just before going on the air. - Dan Rather

Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb

Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown

Flight attendants don't die, they just fly higher. - Unknown

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

Only the two of us together flying high upon the wings of love. - Jeffrey Osborne

I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright

And 'tis my faith, that every flower
Enjoys the air it breathes. - William Wordsworth

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

Pigs had just officially sprouted wings and were flying alongside airplanes. - Jennifer L Armentrout

It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

Birds find shelter during the rain, but eagles avoid rain by flying above the clouds. - Abdul Kalam

She would stay there, flying across the sea like a mermaid with wings, until the end. - Natalia Marx

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius

I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore

Learn to close your eyes and trust. Learn to open your heart and love. Learn to take the risk and fly. - Maxime Lagace

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell

There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" - Robin Williams

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. - Robert Orben

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

Be not penny-wise. Riches have wings. Sometimes they fly away of themselves, and sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more. - Francis Bacon

I can almost feel the wind beneath my wings; I can almost taste the thrill of flying away from this small town and never looking back. - Tessa Hall

Like a prisoner awaiting his release, like a schoolboy when the end of term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. - Victor Hugo


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05-Jul-2020