Lutheran Airlines - New Service
in Minnesnowta

Consider Lutheran Air - the no-frills airline



Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.

“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.

There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.

Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.

Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.”



Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor

QuotaBills
Flew: Plane sickness. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Music is the poetry of the air. - Jean Paul Richter

Conference: Hot air on a high level. - Gerald Barzan

Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness. - Alejandro Jodorowsky

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. - Japanese Proverb

The bird who dares to fall is the bird who learns to fly. - Unknown

Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what is dangerous. - Unknown

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

Don't be scared to fly along. Find a path that is your own. - Unknown

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

For those determined to fly, having no wings is just a little detail. - Unknown

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

A man who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely called a liberal. - American Proverb

Birds with broken wings walking on the ground were once flying high up in the sky. - Mehmet M Ildan

In the dark days of your life, you will need the wings of hope to continue flying. - Mehmet M Ildan

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Birds find shelter during the rain, but eagles avoid rain by flying above the clouds. - Abdul Kalam

My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson

Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner

Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau

You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair. - Chinese Proverb

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau

Living as we do in an age of noise and bluster, success is now measured accordingly. We must all be seen, and heard, and on the air. - Daphne du Maurier

Be not penny-wise. Riches have wings. Sometimes they fly away of themselves, and sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more. - Francis Bacon

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin

The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be? It is the same the angels breathe. - Mark Twain

If you decide to stop flying, it is wise to hang on to your wings, for you may need them one day, when one of your other qualities turns dangerous. - Am Leach

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. - Victor Hugo


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27-Sep-2021