Lutheran Airlines - New Service
in Minnesnowta

Consider Lutheran Air - the no-frills airline



Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.

“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.

There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet, sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive those who sin against us, vich some people say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.

Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the coffee pot up front.

Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close. Amen.”



Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor

QuotaBills
Don't just fly, soar. - Walt Disney

Music is the poetry of the air. - Jean Paul Richter

There is no flying without wings. - French Proverb

It's opener there in the wide open air. - Dr. Seuss

Give your stress wings and let it fly away. - Gerri Guillemets

The shell must break before the bird can fly. - Unknown

Mothers are angels that lift us when we cannot fly. - Unknown

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks

As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying. - Unknown

What air is to the body, to feel understood is to the heart. - Stephen Covey

Flying without feathers is not easy; my wings have no feathers. - Plautus

I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton

Live in the sunshine
Swim in the sea
Drink the wild air - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti

Our Air Corps reunion was held to rememmorate the great things we done. - Archie Bunker

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. - Douglas Adams

With birds flying around, man's desire for having wings rises to infinite. - Mehmet M Ildan

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

There are two kind of air travel in the United States, first class and third world. - Bobby Slayton

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

Birds find shelter during the rain, but eagles avoid rain by flying above the clouds. - Abdul Kalam

My tent doesn't look like much but it is air-conditioned and has exceptional location. - Fennel Hudson

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore

Learn to close your eyes and trust. Learn to open your heart and love. Learn to take the risk and fly. - Maxime Lagace

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford

A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson

There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

Pilots take no special joy in walking: pilots like flying. Pilots generally take pride in a good landing, not in getting out of the vehicle. - Neil Armstrong

When my wife says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, I know I have just enough time to fly to space and write a poem on the moon before we go. - Mike Vanatta

Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz

Like a prisoner awaiting his release, like a schoolboy when the end of term is near, like a migrant bird ready to fly south... I long to be gone. - Malcolm Muggeridge


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13-May-2021