Dis is da latest air service to sprout up in Minnesnowta.
Also serving Visconsin, Nort Dekota, and Moontana. Try it - you vill like it.
“If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re
all in da same boat on Lutheran Air, vere flying is an uplifting experience.
There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main
dish, and 22-30, a dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you with the safety
system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.
Okay then, listen up: I’m only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden
loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill
Captain Olson because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure
would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I
vouldn’t bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes.
You’re gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back
up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence
vhich, to be honest with you, ve’re going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet,
sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vile you get used to it.
In the event of a water landing, I’d say forget it. Start saying the Lord’s
Prayer and just hope you get to the part about “forgive us our sins as ve forgive
those who sin against us, vich some people
say trespass against us,” vich isn’t right, but vat can you do?
The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may
interfere vith the plane’s navigational system, vich is seat of the pants all
the way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant
you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on the side of your head.
Ve’re going to start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style vith the
coffee pot up front.
Then ve’ll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don’t
take yours vith you ven you go or am going to be real upset and I am not
Right now I’ll say Grace. “Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to
us be blest. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Duluth or pretty close.
Original post on “A Prairie Home Companion”, December 6, 2003
by Garrison Keillor
On wings of wind came flying all abroad. - Alexander Pope
Wishing to be a bird so you can Fly Away. - Unknown
Never eat spinach just before going on the air. - Dan Rather
Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness. - Alejandro Jodorowsky
If you cannot teach me to fly, teach me to sing. - J M Barrie
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks
The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton
Disappointments are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air. - Johann C. F. von Schiller
This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy
For those determined to fly, having no wings is just a little detail. - Unknown
If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb
Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first. - Unknown
If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams
Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau
Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie
A man who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely called a liberal. - American Proverb
Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes
I don't know about flying, but sometimes it feels like I have these little wings on my feet. - Michael Jordan
We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown
Nothing can move a man who is paid by the hour; how sweet the flight of time seems to his calm mind. - Charles D Warner
Caesar dreamed that he was flying above the clouds, and now that he was clasping the hand of Jupiter. - Suetonius
I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it. - Golda Meir
I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Jack Dempsey were just jet pilots. I'm in a world of my own. - Muhammad Ali
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
There is music in the air, music all around us; the world is full of it, and you simply take as much as you require. - Edward Elgar
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse
The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie
It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin
Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes
It's like running a marathon race. We train all hours of the day. When you are taking a bath, you are thinking of the flight. - Kalpana Chawla
Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. - Henry David Thoreau
Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline. - Harvey Mackay
I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery - air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' - Sylvia Plath
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin
This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi
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