1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
11. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn’t repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You’re diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it’s still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don’t have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
49. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
50. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
51. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Life, if well lived, is long enough. - Seneca
A short life and a merry one at that! - Bartholomew Roberts
The great end of life is not knowledge but action. - Thomas Henry Huxley
One life - a little gleam of time between two eternities. - Thomas Carlyle
If I had my life to live over again, I’d be a plumber. - Albert Einstein
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. - Jack Handey
I plan on growing old much later in life, or maybe not at all. - Patty Carey
Paragorically, I will not let you ever talk about our sex life. - Archie Bunker
All of our technology is completely unnecessary to a happy life. - Tom Hodgkinson
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. - John Lennon
Tattoos - it's like wearing an Ed Hardy shirt for the rest of your life. - Russell Peters
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. - Danny Kaye
A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life. - Charles Darwin
People go forward in life. Bitterness and grudges and resentments only poison it. - David Furnish
Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
In one equation you can solve all the puzzles of life. It is the equation of giving. - Amit Ray
Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye
Reason is not time only interpreter of life. The fountain of action is in time feelings. - Henry T. Tuckerman
The real tragedy of life is not being limited to one talent, but failing to use that one talent. - Unknown
Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things. - Frank A. Clark
If A is success in life, then A = X + Y + Z. Work is X, play is Y, and Z is keeping your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein
A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation. - Donald Trump
Going without food or water will kill the body, but the lack of relationship will kill the minds and spirit. - David Jeremiah
The larger office, the corner space, the extra window are the teddy bears and tricycles of adult office life. - Willard Gaylin
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William Arthur Ward
My life was going to flash before my eyes, but it decided to hide behind my eyes and quake with terror instead. - Sarah Rees Brennan
There's a period of life when we swallow a knowledge of ourselves and it becomes either good or sour inside. - Pearl Bailey
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz
True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life, through devotion, to something beyond himself. - Henry Miller
I challenge you to make your life the masterpiece you want to paint, the novel you want to read, the day you want to wake to. - Toni Sorenson
The remedy for life's broken pieces is not classes, workshops or books. Don't try to heal the broken pieces. Just forgive. - Iyanla Vanzant
The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost
If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches. - Rainer Maria Rilke
If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once every week. - Charles Darwin
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem. - George Bernard Shaw
If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm any hostility. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland
3 Stages Of A Man’s Life
4 Stages Of Life
Bacon Is Life
Balanced Family Life
Better Start In Life
Extension of Life
Leading a Remote Life
Life And Beer Are Very Similar
Life Cycle of a Chicken
My Life Goal
My Life in Segments
One Of Life’s Equations
Secret For A Long, Happy Life
Sometimes Life Just Isn’t Fair
The Wheels of Life
Throw Your Life Away
When Life Gets You Down
Winter Traffic Lights
Inline Motorcycle Skates
2022 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars
Newfie Cab Driver - Can You Guess His Number?
Nothing Can Stop Me Now
Can You Find the Hidden Bird?
Canadian Winter Smile
Age Comes With Convenience
Wife Of The Year