1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
2. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
3. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
4. Get a new car for your spouse. It’ll be a great trade!
5. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
6. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
7. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...
8. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
9. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
10. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
11. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
12. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
14. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
15. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
16. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
17. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
18. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
19. I couldn’t repair your brake, so I made your horn louder.
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
22. Just remember - if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.
24. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
25. A day without sunshine is like night.
26. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
27. Getting lost in thought may put you in unfamiliar territory.
28. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
29. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
30. You’re diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
31. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
32. Remember that half the people you know are below average.
33. Despite the high cost of living, it’s still extremely popular.
34. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
35. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
36. Drive way too fast and you don’t have to worry about cholesterol.
37. If you intend to live forever, so far, so good.
38. Borrow money only from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
39. Support bacteria; they’re the only culture some people have.
40. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy the evidence.
41. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
43. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
44. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
45. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
46. Success always occurs in private; failure, in full view.
47. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
48. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
it.
49. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
50. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
51. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
52. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard (and not enough
chlorine!)
53. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
54. If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of payments.
55. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Problems are the normal state of life. - Charlie Jones
Without music, life would be a mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Life is a series of commas, not periods. - Matthew McConaughey
Balance is the key to wrestling and life. - Unknown
Those whom we support hold us up in life. - Marie E. von Eschenbach
I'm what you call a Depression sailor. - Ernest Borgnine
Happiness is not the end of life; character is. - Henry Ward Beecher
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
Life is a rollercoaster. Try to eat a light lunch. - David A. Schmaltz
In the book of life, the answers aren't on the back. - Charlie Brown
Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace. - Amelia Earhart
You have to go through a lot of heartache in life to feel joy. - Doug Collins
Life is a rich strain of music, suggesting a realm too fair to be. - George William Curtis
I'm a guy who can't function well in life, but I can in art. - Woody Allen
It has been my philosophy of life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly. - Isaac Asimov
The greatest thing in life is to die young - but delay it as long as possible. - George Bernard Shaw
If I had to do my life over, I would change every single thing that I have done. - Ray Davies
Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all. - Johnny Depp
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes
When you're in love, it's the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life. - Richard Lewis
Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead. - Lucille Ball
Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - E Hubbard
Education doesn't change life much. It just lifts trouble to a higher plane of regard. - Robert Frost
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King
When you get to my age, life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory. - John Mortimer
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. - Doug Larson
A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman
The cards you hold in the game of life mean very little - it's the way you play them that counts. - Unknown
Success in life is not a matter so much of talent or opportunity but of concentration and perseverance. - C.W. Wendte
Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away from your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools. - Unknown
Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another. - Thomas Merton
There are no classes in life for beginners: right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult. - Rainer Maria Rilke
That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've understood all your life but in a new way. - Doris Lessing
Life is no different than the weather. Not only is it unpredictable, but it shows us a new perspective of the world every day. - Suzy Kassem
Surgeons must be very careful
When they take the knife!
Underneath their fine incisions
Stirs the Culprit - Life! - Emily Dickinson
You can't be afraid of getting old. Old is good, if you're gathering in life. Our band is good at understanding that equation. - Bruce Springsteen
If we hope for what we are not likely to possess, we act and think in vain, and make life a greater dream and shadow than it really is. - Joseph Addison
There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. - Mark Twain
see also Quotes Section
3 Stages Of A Man’s Life
4 Stages Of Life
Bacon Is Life
Balanced Family Life
Better Start In Life
Extension of Life
Leading a Remote Life
Life And Beer Are Very Similar
Life Cycle of a Chicken
Life Extension
Life Sucks
Life’s Reflections
Monastery Life
My Life Goal
My Life in Segments
One Of Life’s Equations
Secret For A Long, Happy Life
Sometimes Life Just Isn’t Fair
The Wheels of Life
Throw Your Life Away
When Life Gets You Down
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26-Feb-2020 |