Ukrainian Sausage

Are you qualified to buy Ukrainian sausage?


A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, “I’d like some Ukrainian sausage.” The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Ukrainian?”

The guy, clearly offended, says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would you?
The clerk says, “Well, no.”

“And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”
The clerk says, “Well, I probably wouldn’t.”

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Ukrainian just because I ask for Ukrainian sausage?”
The clerk replies, “Because you’re at Home Depot.”


QuotaBills
Silence is safer than speech. - Epictetus

Speech is silver; silence is golden. - Thomas Carlyle

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert

Speech is of time; silence is of eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin

I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman

All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost

We now communicate with everyone and say absolutely nothing. - Ted Koppel

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber

When people are proud of their speech, be proud of your silence. - Luqman

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

The 3 fastest means of communication: Twitter; Telephone; Tell a woman. - Unknown

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong. - Barbra Streisand

If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli

If you cannot understand me in my speech, how can you understand me in my silence? - Ravi Zacharias

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

I never made a mistake in grammar but once in my life, and as soon as I done it. I seen it. - Carl Sandburg

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life bringing peace, abolishing strife. - Kahlil Gibran

Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

Xylophone: Revolutionary communication device that turns the sounds of the voice into a mellow, musical chime - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of the hearer as well as those of the speaker. - Frederick Douglass

Grammar: 1. Lives with granpar; 2. The difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You’re Nuts. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words. - Robert G Ingersoll

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

More people watch television and get their information that way than read books. I find new technology and new ways of communication very exciting. - Stephen Covey

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. - Unknown


see also   Language  Section
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Ukrainian Air Conditioning
Ukrainian Cattle Car
Ukrainian Horse Transportation

 

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22-Oct-2020