Ode To The New Year

Going on a munchie break for the New Year?


‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse;
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvellous meals I’d prepared -
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt;
I said to myself, as I only can,
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”

So - away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip;
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
’Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won’t have a cookie - not even a lick,
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick;
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie -
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot...
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet!


QuotaBills
Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

The dieting wars have got to stop. - Lady Gaga

Life is too short to be on a diet. - Taylor J Reid

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

Mine is the least fat diet in the world. - Pierre Dukan

My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs. - BJ Penn

Happiness is equilibrium. Shift your weight. - Tom Stoppard

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. - Fran Lebowitz

New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. - Joan Rivers

I'm not gaining weight. I'm living large. - Unknown

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

I've probably tried every fad diet in the world. - Jenna Ushkowitz

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. - Erma Bombeck

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been. - Rainer M. Rilke

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Unknown

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

The majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish. - Carrie Underwood

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

Every single diet I ever fell off of was because of potatoes and gravy of some sort. - Dolly Parton

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

On behalf of every man looking out for every girl, you are the God and weight of her world. - John Mayer

Juicing isn't about binging and cleansing; I try to incorporate it into a balanced diet. - Eddie Huang

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. - John Updike

Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since. - Dave Beard

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

In Japan, animation is a big part of your media diet. I moved out to Los Angeles at 9, and when I got homesick, I would watch anime. - Hiro Murai

I'm off the diet, but not the treadmill. I speak as someone who's attempted to lose weight and get fit thrice before in my life. - Ronnie Screwvala

New Pasta Diet: Just walk pasta bakery without stopping. Walk pasta candy store without stopping. Walk pasta ice cream shop without stopping. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I cook croquetas, and I eat jamon. I keep my diet 100% Mediterranean and drink my Rioja. In that sense, I have a piece of Spain in West Hollywood. - Paz Vega


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04-Dec-2020