Make My Daisy

Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Gun Control: Using both hands - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

These are cathedrals of shopping. - Emile Zola

Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping. - Oscar Wilde

I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Shooting Star: A famous actor who uses his gun too often - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

Modesty is not only an ornament, but also a guard to virtue. - Joseph Addison

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? - Mae West

Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters kill people. - Unknown

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

The guns and the bombs, the rockets and the warships, are all symbols of human failure. - Lyndon B Johnson

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have. - Unknown

One of the most important gifts we have in television - the ability to heal through laughter. - Soleil M Frye

Like trying a man's finger for having pulled the trigger of a gun which murdered someone. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

We are each given a limitless capacity to love and attain wisdom. The extent we use these gifts is our choice. - Anthony Douglas

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. - P G Wodehouse

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns. - John Leonard

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher