Chinese to English Translation

Sometimes you just hear what you want to hear


At a travel agency in Shanghai, I asked the Chinese girl behind the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her for her mobile number so I could call her to make arrangements.

She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said, “Sex sex sex wan free sex for tonight.”

I replied, “Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable!”

A guy standing next to me overheard, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “What she really said was: 666136429.”



QuotaBills
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. - Groucho Marx

Language is a virus from outer space. - William S Burroughs

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sooner or later, we all quote our mothers. - Unknown

Speech is of time; silence is of eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

A fool is known by his speech; and a wise man by silence. - Pythagoras

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

Silence is the language of God; it is also the language of the heart. - Sivananda

Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends. - Alphonse de Lamartine

If you're a good numbers person, you're a bad language person. - Frank Luntz

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech. - Evangel

When I quote others I do so in order to express my own ideas more clearly. - Michel de Montaigne

No Chinese Catholics are allowed to worship ancestors in their familial temples. - Pope Clement XI

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

Humour is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious. - Malcolm Muggeridge

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

Many agree that the worst thing that could ever happen is if Russia and China get closer. - Donald Trump

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise, we do not believe in it at all. - Noam Chomsky

The trouble with quotes about death is that 99.999 percent of them are made by people who are still alive. - Joshua Bruns

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. - Donald Trump

All worthwhile men have good thoughts, good ideas, and good intentions, but precious few of them ever translate those into action. - John Hancock Field

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

The English eat all sorts of birds - pigeons, ducks, sparrows - but if you tell them you eat puffin, you might as well come from Mars. - Bjork

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!' - Conan O'Brien


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28-May-2022