Taking Too Many Seats

How to remove an uncooperative old man at a concert

An elderly man lay sprawled across three entire seats at a concert. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man didn’t budge.

The usher became more impatient.
“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old dishevelled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The responding officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where you from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied, “The balcony...”



QuotaBills
Where words fail, music speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson

Canned music is like audible wallpaper. - Alistair Cooke

In music the passions enjoy themselves. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Music comes to me more readily than words. - Ludwig van Beethoven

Without music, life would be a blank to me. - Jane Austen

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain

Country music is three chords and the truth. - Harlan Howard

Those who have free seats at a play hiss first. - Chinese Proverb

Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. - Robert Fripp

Music is what our soul sounds like when it sings. - Xila Toro

Without music, life is a journey through a desert. - Pat Conroy

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Who hears music, feels his solitude peopled at once. - Robert Browning

Music, when soft voices die, vibrates in the memory. - Percy Bysshe Shelley

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture. - Steve Martin

It is always fatal to have music or poetry interrupted. - George Eliot

Music can change the world because it can change people. - Bono

You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life. - Ludwig van Beethoven

People haven't always been there for me, but music always has. - Taylor Swift

Life is a rich strain of music, suggesting a realm too fair to be. - George William Curtis

Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy. - Dierks Bentley

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. - Aldous Huxley

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert, to fleece the people. - Abraham Lincoln

I think my music is like anchovies - some people like it, some people get nauseous. - Barry Manilow

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

If you're offered a seat on a rocket ship, don't ask what seat! Just get on. - Sheryl Sandberg

The truest expression of a people is in its dance and in its music. Bodies never lie. - Agnes De Mille

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

Melody is the essence of music. I compare a good melodist to a fine racer, and counterpoints to hack post-horses. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

If music be the food of love, play on, give me excess of it; that surfeiting, the appetite may sicken, and so die. - William Shakespeare

Look inside. That way lies dancing to the melodies spun out by your own heart. This is a symphony. All the rest are jingles. - Anna Quindlen

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory. - Thomas Beecham

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. - Bob Newhart


see also   Aging,  Music,  Police  &  Stress  Sections
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10-Jul-2020