Taking Too Many Seats

How to remove an uncooperative old man at a concert

An elderly man lay sprawled across three entire seats at a concert. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man didn’t budge.

The usher became more impatient.
“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old dishevelled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The responding officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where you from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied, “The balcony...”



QuotaBills
Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Canned music is like audible wallpaper. - Alistair Cooke

Music is a means of rapid transportation. - John Cage

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Making music should not be left to the professionals. - Michelle Shocked

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Elvis Costello

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious

Classical music is music written by famous dead foreigners. - Arlene Heath

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. - H.E. Luccock

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Unknown

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard

Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy. - Dierks Bentley

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

Tupac was one of the biggest thugs I know - and he always wore his seat belt. - Ice Cube

Each soul is tuned to a different pitch. Music is about harmonizing the soul. - Wu-Tang Clan

Music has charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. - William Congreve

Film is one of the three universal languages, the other two: mathematics and music. - Frank Capra

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it. - John Lennon

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart. - Paul McCartney

I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison

What's the earth with all its art, verse, music, worth -
Compared with love, found, gained, and kept? - Robert Browning

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt

I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all. - Steven Tyler


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29-Jan-2020