A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain
It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray
Pre-Law: The major of a person who will end up in sales - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. - Elbert Hubbard
Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. - Unknown
Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. - Mark Twain
Lawyers are a bad lot... They cheat their living out of honest people. - Albert R Carman
Lawyers are men who will swear black is white, if they are paid for it. - Edward Counsel
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo
The wisest man is the silent one. Examine his actions. Judge him by them. - Karen M Moning
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? - Blanche Knott
Lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them. - Unknown
Guarantee: A legal vehicle which expires on the same day as your mechanical one - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Lawyers generally know too much of law to have a very clear perception of justice. - Eliza Cook
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
May you live your life as if the maxim of your actions were to become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
A lawyer's duty is to read the law well himself, then tell the people what it is, and let them act upon it. - Brigham Young
Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison
The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia
Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe
Honest and peace-loving people shun the Courts and are prepared to suffer loss rather than fall into a Lawyer's clutches. - Peter De Noronha
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda
A lawyer's performance in the courtroom is responsible for about 25 percent of the outcome; the remaining 75 percent depends on the facts. - Melvin Belli
Lawyers have the singular distinction of being able to play the hero and villain at the same time. Depending on where you stand in a courthouse. - Lenox Mhlanga
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain
It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray
Pre-Law: The major of a person who will end up in sales - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. - Elbert Hubbard
Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. - Unknown
Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. - Mark Twain
Lawyers are a bad lot... They cheat their living out of honest people. - Albert R Carman
Lawyers are men who will swear black is white, if they are paid for it. - Edward Counsel
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns. - Mario Puzo
The wisest man is the silent one. Examine his actions. Judge him by them. - Karen M Moning
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? - Blanche Knott
Lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them. - Unknown
Guarantee: A legal vehicle which expires on the same day as your mechanical one - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Lawyers generally know too much of law to have a very clear perception of justice. - Eliza Cook
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
May you live your life as if the maxim of your actions were to become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
A lawyer's duty is to read the law well himself, then tell the people what it is, and let them act upon it. - Brigham Young
Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison
The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia
Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe
Honest and peace-loving people shun the Courts and are prepared to suffer loss rather than fall into a Lawyer's clutches. - Peter De Noronha
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda
A lawyer's performance in the courtroom is responsible for about 25 percent of the outcome; the remaining 75 percent depends on the facts. - Melvin Belli
Lawyers have the singular distinction of being able to play the hero and villain at the same time. Depending on where you stand in a courthouse. - Lenox Mhlanga
see also Heaven & Lawyer Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument
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21-Sep-2021 |