Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke

Useless laws weaken necessary laws. - Charles de Secondat

A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb

OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright

In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. - Seneca

Writing laws is easy, but governing is difficult. - Leo Tolstoy

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw

If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens

I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown

People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln

It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid. - Albert Einstein

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis

So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa

The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle

I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain

In Islam, the legislative power and competence to establish laws belong exclusively to God. - Ayatollah Khomeini

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine

The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. - Anatole France

If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin. - Charles Darwin

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers

That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France

There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
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Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
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Lawyer Expands Practice
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Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
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No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
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15-Dec-2019