Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
The law is silent during war. - Cicero

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas

Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard

A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman

Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall

Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire

Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner

It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde

Laws, like spider webs, catch flies and let hawks go free. - Spanish Proverb

Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect. - Unknown

I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown

The ablest lawyers are always associated with the biggest fees. - Clarence Darrow

The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. - Charles E Hughes

Lawyers are men who will swear black is white, if they are paid for it. - Edward Counsel

All the honesty in the world ain't legal tender for a loaf of bread. - Josh Billings

I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn

The best use of laws is to teach men to trample bad laws under their feet. - Wendell Phillips

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny

Lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them. - Unknown

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile

A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P Brougham

Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell

Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide. - Will Rogers

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller

There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest. - Sri Chinmoy

Some lawyers are like unto the camel, which, before drinking out of a brook, maketh the water turbid with his foot. - Adolphus W Ward

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers

If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams

One does not, by knowing all the physical laws as we know them today, immediately obtain an understanding of anything much. - Richard Feynman

Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein

Most people ask questions because they want to know the answer; lawyers are trained never to ask questions unless they already know the answer. - Lani Guinier

There must be some honest lawyers at the New York bar, and some impartial judges on the New York bench, but I should not like to be set to find them. - Lyman Abbott


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

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On The Loose
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Speeding Back To School
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28-May-2020