A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell
Lawyers are natural politicians. - Clarence Darrow
Useless laws weaken necessary laws. - Charles de Secondat
All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman
Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown
Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Lawyers are ideological enemies of informal justice. - Richard L Abel
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance. - Herbert Spencer
If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end. - Arthur Baer
People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus
You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad
I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge. - Gerald Jampolsky
Lawyers are like rabbits. They have a nasty habit of multiplying. - Leo Reilly
I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters. - John Keats
Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obeys them. - Henry Ward Beecher
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm
Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark
Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. - David Mellor
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan
A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo
Lawyers get you out'n the kind of trouble you'd never get in if there was no lawyers. - Ken Alstad
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes
You are the one who calls the law of attraction into action, and you do it through your thoughts. - Rhonda Byrne
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. - Guindon
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. - Unknown
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison
Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli
How lawyers make work for one another! You're all priests, worshipping the same god. No wonder you adore one another. - Joyce Carol Oates
Men became scientific because they expected law in nature and they expected law in nature because they believed in a lawgiver. - Ravi Zacharias
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein
The denial of an objective moral law based on the compulsion to deny the existence of God results ultimately in the denial of evil itself. - Ravi Zacharias
A judge who likes every outcome he reaches is very likely a bad judge, stretching for results he prefers rather than those the law demands. - Neil Gorsuch
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. - Tim Allen
Lawyers are natural politicians. - Clarence Darrow
Useless laws weaken necessary laws. - Charles de Secondat
All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman
Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown
Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Lawyers are ideological enemies of informal justice. - Richard L Abel
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance. - Herbert Spencer
If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end. - Arthur Baer
People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus
You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad
I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge. - Gerald Jampolsky
Lawyers are like rabbits. They have a nasty habit of multiplying. - Leo Reilly
I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters. - John Keats
Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obeys them. - Henry Ward Beecher
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm
Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark
Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. - David Mellor
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan
A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo
Lawyers get you out'n the kind of trouble you'd never get in if there was no lawyers. - Ken Alstad
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes
You are the one who calls the law of attraction into action, and you do it through your thoughts. - Rhonda Byrne
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein. - Guindon
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. - Unknown
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison
Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli
How lawyers make work for one another! You're all priests, worshipping the same god. No wonder you adore one another. - Joyce Carol Oates
Men became scientific because they expected law in nature and they expected law in nature because they believed in a lawgiver. - Ravi Zacharias
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein
The denial of an objective moral law based on the compulsion to deny the existence of God results ultimately in the denial of evil itself. - Ravi Zacharias
A judge who likes every outcome he reaches is very likely a bad judge, stretching for results he prefers rather than those the law demands. - Neil Gorsuch
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. - Tim Allen
see also Heaven & Lawyer Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument
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03-Mar-2021 |