Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
The law is silent during war. - Cicero

Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb

A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying

OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker

Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost

Lawyers and painters can soon change white to black. - Henry G Bohn

Lawyer: One skilled in the circumvention of the law. - Ambrose Bierce

Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire

Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner

The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws. - Barbara Kingsolver

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa

Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown

You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown

The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere

A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. - David Mellor

Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation, and I care not who makes its laws. - Mayer A. Rothschild

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn

Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller

It might be pardonable to refuse to defend some men, but to defend them negligently is nothing short of criminal. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin

Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The denial of an objective moral law based on the compulsion to deny the existence of God results ultimately in the denial of evil itself. - Ravi Zacharias

Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs

The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps. They had a picture of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
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TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

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Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
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Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
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Old Divorce
On The Loose
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Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument

 

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06-Jul-2022