A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
The law is silent during war. - Cicero
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard
A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
Laws, like spider webs, catch flies and let hawks go free. - Spanish Proverb
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect. - Unknown
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
The ablest lawyers are always associated with the biggest fees. - Clarence Darrow
The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. - Charles E Hughes
Lawyers are men who will swear black is white, if they are paid for it. - Edward Counsel
All the honesty in the world ain't legal tender for a loaf of bread. - Josh Billings
I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn
The best use of laws is to teach men to trample bad laws under their feet. - Wendell Phillips
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
Lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them. - Unknown
To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile
A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P Brougham
Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell
Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide. - Will Rogers
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest. - Sri Chinmoy
Some lawyers are like unto the camel, which, before drinking out of a brook, maketh the water turbid with his foot. - Adolphus W Ward
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams
One does not, by knowing all the physical laws as we know them today, immediately obtain an understanding of anything much. - Richard Feynman
Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein
Most people ask questions because they want to know the answer; lawyers are trained never to ask questions unless they already know the answer. - Lani Guinier
There must be some honest lawyers at the New York bar, and some impartial judges on the New York bench, but I should not like to be set to find them. - Lyman Abbott
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Common sense often makes good law. - William O Douglas
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard
A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
Laws, like spider webs, catch flies and let hawks go free. - Spanish Proverb
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect. - Unknown
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
The ablest lawyers are always associated with the biggest fees. - Clarence Darrow
The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. - Charles E Hughes
Lawyers are men who will swear black is white, if they are paid for it. - Edward Counsel
All the honesty in the world ain't legal tender for a loaf of bread. - Josh Billings
I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn
The best use of laws is to teach men to trample bad laws under their feet. - Wendell Phillips
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
Lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them. - Unknown
To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile
A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P Brougham
Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell
Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide. - Will Rogers
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
There is one kind of robber whom the law does not strike at, and who steals what is most precious to men: time. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest. - Sri Chinmoy
Some lawyers are like unto the camel, which, before drinking out of a brook, maketh the water turbid with his foot. - Adolphus W Ward
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it. - Scott Adams
One does not, by knowing all the physical laws as we know them today, immediately obtain an understanding of anything much. - Richard Feynman
Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein
Most people ask questions because they want to know the answer; lawyers are trained never to ask questions unless they already know the answer. - Lani Guinier
There must be some honest lawyers at the New York bar, and some impartial judges on the New York bench, but I should not like to be set to find them. - Lyman Abbott
see also Heaven & Lawyer Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument
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28-May-2020 |