Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke

Useless laws weaken necessary laws. - Charles de Secondat

Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright

Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown

There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker

Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. - Seneca

Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall

A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance. - Herbert Spencer

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries

You're breakin' about 18 laws, maybe even a dozen. - Archie Bunker

It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde

If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens

Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius

There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown

Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the middle of the stream and dam it up. - Donald Rumsfeld

I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes

The trouble with our laws these days is that the criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. - Unknown

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry

The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

One does not, by knowing all the physical laws as we know them today, immediately obtain an understanding of anything much. - Richard Feynman

Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot

While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs

The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument

 

Invisible Homeless Man

No Muff Too Tough

Safe Removals

Yoga Business Card

Segway in Rural Norway

Mom Lookout

Dog Diner

It's Too Cold To Ride Outside

Ye Olde Simple Simon

High Tensile Snow

Target Entry

Squirrel Feeder Trap

2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Florida Sewer Rat

Crane Drop

Special Touch

Muscle Control

Selfie Stuck

Organic Compromise

Crab Collection
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

24-Feb-2020