Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

The law itself follows gold. - Propertius

A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb

Don't judge a cat by its coat. - Magdalena VandenBerg

The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno

The good of the people is the chief law. - Cicero

Lawyers are seldom loved but often needed. - Robert B McKay

Law cannot persuade where it cannot punish. - Thomas Fuller

In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Lawyers are the foot soldiers of our Constitution. - Rennard Strickland

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

Lawyers are ideological enemies of informal justice. - Richard L Abel

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries

Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect. - Unknown

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad

The laws of nature are but the mathematical thoughts of God. - Euclid

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. - Dalai Lama

It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid. - Albert Einstein

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. - Ambrose Bierce

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa

The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men. - Gregory E Lang

People who use lawyers are not people you would really want to hang around with. - Deborah Ross

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton

It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour. - Thomas Jefferson

Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon

Lawyers are like foxes, small and innocuous, but all the time stealthily sniffing the air. - Michael O'Sullivan

A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes

At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle

Why don't you ever hear of a lawyer getting attacked by a shark at the beach? Professional courtesy. - Thomas F Shubnell

The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller

There is never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy; that's why there are lawyers. - Melvin Belli

The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger

When the law no longer protects you from the corrupt, but protects the corrupt from you, you know your nation is doomed. - Ayn Rand

Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli

The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge

The great trial lawyers are the ones who help their jurors by providing them with the tools with which to reach the right verdict. - G Christopher Ritter

Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille

A judge who likes every outcome he reaches is very likely a bad judge, stretching for results he prefers rather than those the law demands. - Neil Gorsuch

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. - Tim Allen

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright

Lawyers are like unrequited lovers: you give them an inch, and they go for the whole nine yards; you take off one shoe, and they pull down your pants. - Andres Rueda


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument

 

Victorian Bathing Machine

Stork Exhaust

Slap Me Into Next Year

Is This Really Happening?!

Ostrich Bush

Frozen Fish Meal

Bacon Wrapped Onion Rings

T-Rex Shadow

Camel Parking

Cheat of the Year

Born To Be Wild

Why I Wear 2 Masks

Welfare State

Redneck Wedding Cake

Blonde Gears

Party Direction Sign

House 'Broke'rage

'Piece of Cake' Resignation Letter

Bee Safe

Catfish Noodling
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

25-Sep-2020