A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
The law is silent during war. - Cicero
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope
A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb
A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost
Lawyers and painters can soon change white to black. - Henry G Bohn
Lawyer: One skilled in the circumvention of the law. - Ambrose Bierce
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell
Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem
Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws. - Barbara Kingsolver
I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More
Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb
So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa
Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown
The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. - David Mellor
Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation, and I care not who makes its laws. - Mayer A. Rothschild
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn
Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
It might be pardonable to refuse to defend some men, but to defend them negligently is nothing short of criminal. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The denial of an objective moral law based on the compulsion to deny the existence of God results ultimately in the denial of evil itself. - Ravi Zacharias
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs
The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps. They had a picture of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope
A good lawyer is a bad neighbor. - French Proverb
A bad compromise beats a good lawsuit. - Saying
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
Do not judge, and you will never be mistaken. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost
Lawyers and painters can soon change white to black. - Henry G Bohn
Lawyer: One skilled in the circumvention of the law. - Ambrose Bierce
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
It is a secret worth knowing, that lawyers rarely go to law. - Moses Crowell
Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem
Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws. - Barbara Kingsolver
I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More
Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb
So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa
Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel. - Josh Billings
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown
The duty of a judge is to administer justice, but his practice is to delay it. - Jean de la Bruyere
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson
Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. - David Mellor
Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation, and I care not who makes its laws. - Mayer A. Rothschild
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn
Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
It might be pardonable to refuse to defend some men, but to defend them negligently is nothing short of criminal. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The denial of an objective moral law based on the compulsion to deny the existence of God results ultimately in the denial of evil itself. - Ravi Zacharias
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs
The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps. They had a picture of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman
see also Heaven & Lawyer Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument
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06-Jul-2022 |