A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell
Criminal Lawer: A redundancy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown
The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle
A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
Lawyers are in the business of advocacy, not judgment. - Allan C Hutchinson
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end. - Arthur Baer
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. - H L Mencken
The ablest lawyers are always associated with the biggest fees. - Clarence Darrow
There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain
Lawyers are like rabbits. They have a nasty habit of multiplying. - Leo Reilly
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. - Dalai Lama
Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. - Unknown
Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy. - Homer Simpson
Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. - Mark Twain
Lawyers are a bad lot... They cheat their living out of honest people. - Albert R Carman
The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon
I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
Washington, D.C.: Where the criminals cover their crimes by making them legal. - Frank Dane
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie
A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P Brougham
You are the one who calls the law of attraction into action, and you do it through your thoughts. - Rhonda Byrne
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. - John F Kennedy
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. - Plato
People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. - Albert Einstein
Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman
The question arises: whether all lawyers are the same. This is like asking whether everything that gets into a sewer is garbage. - Florynce R Kennedy
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright
Criminal Lawer: A redundancy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown
The good lawyer is the great salesman. - Janet Reno
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle
A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall
Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire
Lawyers are in the business of advocacy, not judgment. - Allan C Hutchinson
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
If you laid all our laws end to end, there would be no end. - Arthur Baer
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. - H L Mencken
The ablest lawyers are always associated with the biggest fees. - Clarence Darrow
There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. - Mark Twain
Lawyers are like rabbits. They have a nasty habit of multiplying. - Leo Reilly
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. - Dalai Lama
Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. - Unknown
Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy. - Homer Simpson
Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. - Mark Twain
Lawyers are a bad lot... They cheat their living out of honest people. - Albert R Carman
The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon
I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
Washington, D.C.: Where the criminals cover their crimes by making them legal. - Frank Dane
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Law: an ordinance of reason for the common good, made by him who has care of the community. - Thomas Aquinas
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie
A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P Brougham
You are the one who calls the law of attraction into action, and you do it through your thoughts. - Rhonda Byrne
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman
Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. - John F Kennedy
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. - Plato
People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. - Albert Einstein
Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature. - Steve Maraboli
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. - Henny Youngman
The question arises: whether all lawyers are the same. This is like asking whether everything that gets into a sewer is garbage. - Florynce R Kennedy
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright
see also Heaven & Lawyer Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument
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28-Jan-2022 |