A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell
Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke
Useless laws weaken necessary laws. - Charles de Secondat
A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler
Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson
Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown
A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying
Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. - Seneca
Writing laws is easy, but governing is difficult. - Leo Tolstoy
The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid. - Albert Einstein
Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck
The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde
Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown
Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis
So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa
The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields
The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
In Islam, the legislative power and competence to establish laws belong exclusively to God. - Ayatollah Khomeini
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. - Anatole France
If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin. - Charles Darwin
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke
Useless laws weaken necessary laws. - Charles de Secondat
A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
OK, if you can get an indepartial judge. - Archie Bunker
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
In law, nothing is certain but the expense. - Samuel Butler
Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson
Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown
A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying
Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. - Seneca
Writing laws is easy, but governing is difficult. - Leo Tolstoy
The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown
People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid. - Albert Einstein
Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck
The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde
Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown
Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis
So I will say it with relish. Give me a hamburger but hold the lawsuit. - S.I. Hayakawa
The laws of probability - so true in general, so fallacious in particular. - Edward Gibbon
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields
The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
In Islam, the legislative power and competence to establish laws belong exclusively to God. - Ayatollah Khomeini
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges. - Anatole France
If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin. - Charles Darwin
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
The courtrooms of America all too often have Piper Cub advocates trying to handle the controls of Boeing 747 litigation. - Warren E. Burger
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
see also Heaven & Lawyer Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument
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15-Dec-2019 |