A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke
Useless laws weaken necessary laws. - Charles de Secondat
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown
We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown
Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson
Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown
There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker
Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. - Seneca
Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall
A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance. - Herbert Spencer
Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries
You're breakin' about 18 laws, maybe even a dozen. - Archie Bunker
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer
Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman
Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown
Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the middle of the stream and dam it up. - Donald Rumsfeld
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo
Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes
The trouble with our laws these days is that the criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. - Unknown
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown
I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
One does not, by knowing all the physical laws as we know them today, immediately obtain an understanding of anything much. - Richard Feynman
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France
Useless laws weaken necessary laws. - Charles de Secondat
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright
Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown
We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown
Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson
Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law. - Unknown
There's a strong criminal relement up there. - Archie Bunker
Laws do not persuade just because they threaten. - Seneca
Law of the Supermarket: The other line moves faster. - Unknown
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall
A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance. - Herbert Spencer
Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries
You're breakin' about 18 laws, maybe even a dozen. - Archie Bunker
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
Don't judge me by my past. I don't live there anymore. - Unknown
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. - Wayne W. Dyer
Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman
Tennis is like a lawsuit: activity from across the court is often surprising. - Unknown
Lawyers are like beavers: They get in the middle of the stream and dam it up. - Donald Rumsfeld
I know that this defies the law of gravity, but, you see, I never studied law. - Bugs Bunny
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
A criminal remains a criminal whether he uses a convict's suit or a monarch's crown. - Victor Hugo
Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. - Malcolm S Forbes
The trouble with our laws these days is that the criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. - Unknown
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown
I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
One does not, by knowing all the physical laws as we know them today, immediately obtain an understanding of anything much. - Richard Feynman
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free. - Eugene V Debs
The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. - Anatole France
see also Heaven & Lawyer Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument
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24-Feb-2020 |