following were answers provided by 6th graders during history tests. Some of the best humour is in the misspelling
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”
7. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
8. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”
9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
10. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between, he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
A rich child often sits in a poor mother's lap. - Danish Proverb
The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day. - John Milton
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley
Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields
You don't have good grammar when you type with your fists. - C.F. Payne
When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it. - Sigmund Freud
If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. - Bruce Barton
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass
If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett
Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action. - Benjamin Disraeli
There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. - Robert Benchley
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. - Pablo Picasso
Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. - Cicero
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy
I will continue to freak out my children by knitting in public. It's good for them. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow
Grammar: the difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You're Nuts. - Unknown
I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz
Eddie discovered one of his childhood's great truths. Grownups are the real monsters, he thought. - Stephen King
Our children may learn about heroes of the past. Our task is to make ourselves architects of the future. - Jomo Mzee Kenyatta
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash
Inspiration comes unawares, from unaccountable sources that have nothing to do with planning or intelligence. - Maurice Chevalier
We ought to be doing all we can to make it possible for every child to fulfill his or her God-given potential. - Hillary Rodham Clinton
I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner
Play is a vital learning medium for a child. In a sense play is his work. And he discovers knowledge for himself. - Raymond Moore
Grow up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another. - F Scott Fitzgerald
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman
Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements. - Napoleon Hill
Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain
Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. - Robert Orben
I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. - Will Rogers
A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason; to always be curious; and to fight tirelessly for something. - Paulo Coelho
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali
There's nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn't even have to matter what they're laughing about. - Criss Jami
When I know that, if I have no inspiration whatsoever, when I come and I just feel empty, I have nothing, I know that I can still play the scene. - Christopher Walken
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
Eat Your Vegetables
Help For Dead Children
OCD Ball Pit
Redneck Time Out
On Short Notice
Big Birthday Surprise
Cliff Side Camping
2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)
OCD Floor Tiles
Wedding Cake for Men
You May Pet Me
Cutting Off Board