Afterlife Life

Fear that there is no heaven


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. The biggest fear was that there was no heaven.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact.

“Mary... Mary....”

“Is that you, Fred?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, I have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”

“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.”

“Not exactly. I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”




QuotaBills
A root is a flower that disdains fame. - Kahlil Gibran

Directly after God in heaven comes a Papa. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

In heaven an angel is nobody in particular. - George Bernard Shaw

Heaven doesn't ignore cries of a broken heart. - Toba Beta

If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. - Woody Allen

There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be. - Norman Mailer

The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes

If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one. - Russian Proverb

A rabbit's foot is a poor substitute for horse sense. - Unknown

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. - Groucho Marx

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. - Joe Louis

Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell. - Emily Dickinson

The power of forgiveness transcends personal relationships. - Eric Metaxas

Paragorically, I will not let you ever talk about our sex life. - Archie Bunker

If in the afterlife there is not music, we will have to import it. - Domenico Cieri Estrada

Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others. - Wayne Dyer

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive, but to be young was very heaven! - William Wordsworth

If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there. - Martin Luther

Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status. - Abdul'Rauf Hashmi

Fame is only good for one thing - they will cash your check in a small town. - Truman Capote

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. - Unknown

Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen

All that separates... race, class, creed, or sex, is inhuman, and must be overcome. - Kate Sheppard

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? - Bette Midler

We learn the most from imperfect relationships - things like forgiveness and compassion. - Andrea Thompson

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. - R.E. Shay

The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. - Joan Baez

Sex is the mysticism of materialism and the only possible religion in a materialistic society. - Malcolm Muggeridge

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

It's better for the whole world to know you, even as a sex star, than never to be known at all. - Marilyn Monroe

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation. - Homer Simpson

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

There are all kinds of ways for a relationship to be tested, even broken, some, irrevocably; it's the endings we're unprepared for. - Katherine Owen

The other day I dreamed that I was at the gates of heaven.
And Saint Peter said, "Go back to Earth. There are no slums up here." - Mother Teresa

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. - Tim Allen

The Bible tells us that Jesus Christ came to do three things. He came to have my past forgiven, you get a purpose for living and a home in Heaven - Rick Warren


see also   Aging, History  &  Trivia  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before The Impact
Emotion Stew
Everything Men Know About Women
Hormone Guide
Keyboard Wedding
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
Obedient Wife
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Understanding Women
Walker Buddies
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
World Peas

 

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Microscopic Reader

Brief Case
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30-May-2020