“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Figured Bass: Female baritone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Women want love to be a novel. Men, a short story. - Daphne du Maurier

Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein

A woman can keep one secret - the secret of her age. - Voltaire

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson

All women are crazy, it's only a question of degree. - WC Fields

I represent the 'Wonder Woman' of the new world. - Gal Gadot

He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. - Alice Cooper

We're women. We have a double standard to live up to. - Ally McBeal

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. - Marcelene Cox

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

Honesty is probably the sexiest thing a man can give to a woman. - Debra Messing

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

Between man and woman there is little difference, but vive la difference. - French Proverb

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

He who has two women loses his soul. But he who has two homes loses his mind. - Ancient Proverb

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success - wrong by wrong. - Mae West

A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on. - Oscar Wilde

Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. - Helen Rowland

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. - Phyllis Diller

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets, no lies. - Unknown

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

Part of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men's behavior is measured with a feminine ruler. - Francesca M. Cancian

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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24-Sep-2020