“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
He who looketh upon a woman loseth a fender. - Auto repair shop

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. - Unknown

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. - Jim Carrey

Trim Figures: What women do when they tell their age - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. - Heloise Cruse

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed. - Henny Youngman

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. - George Burns

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Unknown

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

The testimony of a woman has only half the value of the testimony of a man. - Iranian Penal Code

Enthusiasm is a vital element toward the individual success of every man or woman. - Conrad Hilton

Marriage is the harmony of God synchronizing two wills with the will of the Father. - Ravi Zacharias

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who'd lost three husbands. - Kin Hubbard

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

Beauty Parlor: 1. A place where women curl up and dye; 2. A place where everybody knows your MANE. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Conscientious Woman: One who never breaks a confidence without first imposing the strictest secrecy - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" - Dumas

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me. - George Bernard Shaw

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face.
That's the price she has to pay. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed. - Godfrey Winn

No woman is worth more than a fiver unless you're in love with her. Then she is worth all she costs you. - W Somerset Maugham

No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful. - Eleanor Roosevelt

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with the word 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" - Arnold Schwarzenegger

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out. - Dolly Parton

Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and distinctive, and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done. - Benjamin E. Mays

Forgiveness is the best form of love in any relationship. It takes a strong person to say they're sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive. - Yolanda Hadid


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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04-Jul-2022