“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
So much work, so few women to do it. - Unknown

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

I was with book, as a woman is with child. - C S Lewis

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

There's a great woman behind every idiot. - John Lennon

A man thinks he knows, but a woman knows better. - Indian Proverb

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman. - Jack Nicholson

He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. - Alice Cooper

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen

No one but a woman in love ever sees the maximum of men's greatness. - Anais Nin

Every woman dreams of her own political career and her own place in life. - Raisa M. Gorbachev

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

The testimony of a woman has only half the value of the testimony of a man. - Iranian Penal Code

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde

When I passed 40 I dropped pretence, 'cause men like women who got some sense. - Maya Angelou

No honest work of man or woman "fails"; it feeds the sum of all human action. - Michelene Wandor

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. - Oscar Wilde

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious. - Oscar Wilde

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" - Dumas

Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown

Men prefer brief praise, pitched high; women are satisfied with praise in a lower key, just so it goes on and on - Mignon McLaughlin

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? - George Carlin

There's something about a woman with a loud mind that sits in silence, smiling, knowing she can crush you with the truth. - R G Moon

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

I believe there's an Almighty, and I believe the Almighty's great gift to each man and woman in this world is the desire to be free. - George W Bush

When I was a young man I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal woman. Well, I found her but, alas, she was waiting for the ideal man. - Alain

I was just so lucky with 'Real Women Have Curves.' At that point, I would have done an insurance commercial. I would have done anything. - America Ferrera


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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31-May-2020