“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

Man has his will, but woman has her way. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr

He who looketh upon a woman loseth a fender. - Auto repair shop

Waitress: A woman who thinks money grows on trays - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Trim Figures: What women do when they tell their age - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

All women are crazy, it's only a question of degree. - WC Fields

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

She's loaded with this, waddya call, women's intermission. - Archie Bunker

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. - Groucho Marx

Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status. - Abdul'Rauf Hashmi

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders. - Sheryl Sandberg

Bargain Sale: A place where a woman can ruin one dress while she buys another - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore

An ugly woman is a disease of the stomach; a handsome woman a disease of the head. - Italian Proverb

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. - Phyllis Diller

In Hollywood, the women are all peaches. It makes one long for an apple occasionally. - W Somerset Maugham

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain. - Oscar Wilde

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald, but if he has fire, women will like him. - Mae West

The most terrifying thing any woman can say to me is, 'Notice anything different?' - Mike Vanatta

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society. - Rush Limbaugh

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned. - William Congreve

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. - Anais Nin

Never try to impress a woman because if you do, you'll have to keep up that standard the rest of your life. - WC Fields

Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe. And all men are cheap metal. And we all know where north is. - Larry Miller

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia

Feminism isn't about making women stronger. Women are already strong. It's about changing the way the world perceives that strength. - G.D. Anderson

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. - Tim Allen

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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17-Jan-2022