Looking tired and disgusted, Shawn went to see his doctor. The doctor could barely contain his surprise when he saw carrots growing from the man’s nostrils.
“My goodness,” the doctor said,“no wonder you’re upset!”
“You’re not kidding,” Shawn said. “I planted tomatoes.”
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
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Cutting Off Board
Duck Tomato
Italian Chef Memorial
Long Noodles
Mexican Jews
Reasons to Stop Dieting
Special Southernisms
Texas Chili Taster
The 1500s
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Three Tomatoes
Tomato IV
Tomato Sprouts
Tomato Treat
Truly Tasteless Veggie
1-800-PILLCASH
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Alzheimer’s Wing
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Arkansas Cure For Terminal Illness
Birth Control Pill For Men
Car Surgeon
Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality
Chewing Gum Hazard
Chiropractor Mailbox
Coke Dispenser
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Diabetes Medication
Do You Have An HMO?
Doctor Stories
Doctor Types
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Doctor’s Hunting Skills
Doctor’s OR Specialty
Dog Proctologist
Dogter
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Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
Flu Fashion
German Flatulence Control
HMO Judgment Day
Hygiene On The Farm
HAGS Disease
Is Laughter The Best Medicine?
Magnetic Personality
Mechanical Patient
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Redneck Flu Shot
Shower Bar
Simple Surgery
Singing Gynecologist
Sons Of Arthritis
Swine Flu Symptoms
Tattoo Implants
Typeface for Doctors
Viagra Overdose
Worst Aid
 Foot Race |  2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars |  Lockdown Advice |  Wii Way |  Odor Detector |
 Associate Demonstration |  Biden in the Oval Office |  Poor Fishing Day |  Mustache Breeze |  Chain Weave Hairstyle |
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20-Jan-2021 |