Looking tired and disgusted, Shawn went to see his doctor. The doctor could barely contain his surprise when he saw carrots growing from the man’s nostrils.
“My goodness,” the doctor said,“no wonder you’re upset!”
“You’re not kidding,” Shawn said. “I planted tomatoes.”
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Tomato Paste: Used to fix broken pizza - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean
Square Root: 1. Diced carrot; 2. Diced turnip. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Tomato Paste: Used to fix broken pizza - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean
Square Root: 1. Diced carrot; 2. Diced turnip. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler
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