Looking tired and disgusted, Shawn went to see his doctor. The doctor could barely contain his surprise when he saw carrots growing from the man’s nostrils.
“My goodness,” the doctor said,“no wonder you’re upset!”
“You’re not kidding,” Shawn said. “I planted tomatoes.”
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man — he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man — he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
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Cutting Off Board
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1-800-PILLCASH
Acceptable Doctors Sign
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Is Laughter The Best Medicine?
Magnetic Personality
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One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
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Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
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Swine Flu Symptoms
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Typeface for Doctors
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27-Feb-2020 |