Looking tired and disgusted, Shawn went to see his doctor. The doctor could barely contain his surprise when he saw carrots growing from the man’s nostrils.
“My goodness,” the doctor said,“no wonder you’re upset!”
“You’re not kidding,” Shawn said. “I planted tomatoes.”
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
Keratin: What preserved carrots are sold in - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard
The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
Keratin: What preserved carrots are sold in - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard
The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Though physician to others, yet himself full of sores. - Latin Proverb
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. - William Osler
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
see also Relationship Section
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Cutting Off Board
Duck Tomato
Italian Chef Memorial
Long Noodles
Mexican Jews
Reasons to Stop Dieting
Special Southernisms
Texas Chili Taster
The 1500s
The New Supermarket
Three Tomatoes
Tomato IV
Tomato Sprouts
Tomato Treat
Truly Tasteless Veggie
1-800-PILLCASH
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Alzheimer’s Wing
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Arkansas Cure For Terminal Illness
Birth Control Pill For Men
Car Surgeon
Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality
Chewing Gum Hazard
Chiropractor Mailbox
Coke Dispenser
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Colorectal Exam For Dogs
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Doctor Stories
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Doctor’s Flat Examination
Doctor’s Hunting Skills
Doctor’s OR Specialty
Dog Proctologist
Dogter
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Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
Flu Fashion
German Flatulence Control
HMO Judgment Day
Hygiene On The Farm
HAGS Disease
Is Laughter The Best Medicine?
Magnetic Personality
Mechanical Patient
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Redneck Flu Shot
Shower Bar
Simple Surgery
Singing Gynecologist
Sons Of Arthritis
Swine Flu Symptoms
Tattoo Implants
Typeface for Doctors
Viagra Overdose
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08-Aug-2020 |