Baby Sitting Animals

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get. - Tim Russert

If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters. - Nora Ephron

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love. - Stendhal

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! - Lydia Child

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

My heart is happy, my mind is free.
I had a father who talked with me. - Hilde Bigelow

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

Those who slew my father I drove into exile... and defeated them in battle. - Augustus

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

Humour is based on a modicum of truth. Ever heard a joe-k about a father-in-law? - Dick Clark

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father. - Pope John XXIII

I haven't taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week. - Mario Cuomo

My father used to say, "Don't raise your voice. Improve your argument." - Desmond Tutu

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

My father had a piano that was a nickelodeon - put a nickel, and the roller would play. - Frank Sinatra

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. - Jim Valvano

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. - Virginia Woolf

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

My father said there were two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better. - Marlo Thomas

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

When I was nine, my father said 'You can take piano lessons or do karate' - I had a black belt and was competing before I was 19. - Elodie Yung

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son. - Darth Vader

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt