Golf Emergency

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack. “Help me dear,” she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying here and you’re putting.”

“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”

“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly.

“No time at all,” says her husband. “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through.”

QuotaBills

All is fair in love and golf. - American Proverb

Absentee: A missing golfing peg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player

You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke

Rebate: Putting another worm on the hook - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Work: The thing that interferes with golf. - Frank Dane

Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse

Where there's a Will there's a Fairway. - Unknown

Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown

Putting Green: Great oaths from little acorns grow. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. - Paul Gallico

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells

Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers

Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt. - Unknown

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

Family means putting your arms around each other and being there. - Barbara Bush

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. - French proverb

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham

Farmers: Men successful only if they sell their farms to golf clubs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford

Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo. - Mary Pickford

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting the quill back in the goose. - Fred Allen

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. - George Burns

Good Sportsmanship: Not picking up lost golf balls while they are still rolling - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon

She learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time putting into words. - Corey Ford

Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come. - Rabindranath Tagore

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer

If NASA really wants to find water on Mars, they should just send me there to hit a golf ball. - Gene Jaster

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks, and hitting things with a stick. - P.J. O'Rourke

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. - Ben Hogan

The biggest battle is never on the field, the fairway, the diamond or rink: it's in your mind. - Carey Neuhoff

Effective leadership is putting first things first. Effective management is discipline, carrying it out. - Stephen Covey

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

The biggest thing is just routine. I think that's the biggest correlation between golfers and basketball players. - Stephen Curry

Life isn't about finding pieces of a puzzle. It's about creating and putting those exceptional pieces together. - Unknown

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

I've been doing projects outdoors for the public. I made pigeons eat geometry by putting bread out in rhomboids and triangles. - Jenny Holzer

Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

It is often wonderful how putting down on paper a clear statement of a case helps one to see, not perhaps the way out, but the way in. - Arthur Christopher Benson

Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden

If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!' - Conan O'Brien

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Golf Emergency

Fore-warned on the golf course

24-Jun-2022