“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”
Silence is safer than speech. - Epictetus
Intelligent coaching is sometimes no coaching. - Marty Stern
He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. - Robert Redford
A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons
You don't have to be perfect to be brilliant. - Mark Eyre
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx
Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein
A true star shines her light on others. Be a star. - Chloe Pink
Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley
Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. - Christopher Columbus
If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. - Rumi
Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown
He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. - Lao-tzu
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. - Groucho Marx
An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education. - Martin Luther King Jr.
Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then; life is dull without it. - Pearl S. Buck
It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking
Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats
She may very well pass for 43 in the dusk with the light behind her! - W S Gilbert
The arrogance of the present is to forget the intelligence of the past. - Ken Burns
Forgiveness provides hope, joy, and a bright future that nothing else can. - Paul J Meyer
A careful driver is one who honks his horn when he goes through a red light. - Henry Morgan
I might have gone to West Point but I was too proud to speak to a congressman. - Will Rogers
Better to let them wonder why you didn't speak than to wonder why you did. - Amish Saying
If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright
If we surrendered to earth's intelligence, we could rise up rooted like trees. - Rainer M Rilke
We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde
Starting and being consistent and not giving up is more important than being brilliant. - Mark Schaefer
The less I know about a subject, the more confidence I have; and the more light I throw on it. - Mark Twain
If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise, we do not believe in it at all. - Noam Chomsky
The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16
Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge
Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory. - Leonardo da Vinci
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato
The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay
I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller
Intelligent coaching is sometimes no coaching. - Marty Stern
He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. - Robert Redford
A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons
You don't have to be perfect to be brilliant. - Mark Eyre
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx
Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein
A true star shines her light on others. Be a star. - Chloe Pink
Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley
Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. - Christopher Columbus
If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. - Rumi
Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown
He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. - Lao-tzu
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. - Groucho Marx
An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education. - Martin Luther King Jr.
Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then; life is dull without it. - Pearl S. Buck
It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking
Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats
She may very well pass for 43 in the dusk with the light behind her! - W S Gilbert
The arrogance of the present is to forget the intelligence of the past. - Ken Burns
Forgiveness provides hope, joy, and a bright future that nothing else can. - Paul J Meyer
A careful driver is one who honks his horn when he goes through a red light. - Henry Morgan
I might have gone to West Point but I was too proud to speak to a congressman. - Will Rogers
Better to let them wonder why you didn't speak than to wonder why you did. - Amish Saying
If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright
If we surrendered to earth's intelligence, we could rise up rooted like trees. - Rainer M Rilke
We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde
Starting and being consistent and not giving up is more important than being brilliant. - Mark Schaefer
The less I know about a subject, the more confidence I have; and the more light I throw on it. - Mark Twain
If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise, we do not believe in it at all. - Noam Chomsky
The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16
Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge
Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory. - Leonardo da Vinci
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato
The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay
I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller
see also Redneck Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo
 Cat Dugout |  Open Drive Through |  Secret Revealed |  Tired Flagpole |  Bent Car Sculpture |
 Cow Jacket |  Thanks For Noticing |  Overflow Truck Garden |  Beach Sign Training |  Encouraging Seal |
 GMC Pool |  Nature Calls |  You're Home Early |  New Nail Gun |  Long Noodles |
24-May-2022 |