Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Many hands make light work. - English Proverb

Truths kindle light for truths. - Lucretius

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far. - Theodore Roosevelt

Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. - Christopher Columbus

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. - Arthur C. Clarke

Every time you have to speak, you are auditioning for leadership. - James Humes

Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. - Rabindranath Tagore

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien

They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant? - Jane Austen

Light is the greatest disinfectant in nature and also in organizations. - Stephen Covey

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain

Forgiveness provides hope, joy, and a bright future that nothing else can. - Paul J Meyer

And all we feared inside the night / shows true in morning's biased light. - Garth von Buchholz

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffett

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith

The ability to focus attention on important things is a defining characteristic of intelligence. - Robert J. Shiller

The art of art, the glory of expression, and the sunshine of the light of letters, is simplicity. - Walt Whitman

Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown

A good word is an easy obligation; but not to speak ill requires only our silence; which costs us nothing. - John Tillotson

I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson

I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a flower. God put it here. - Willie Nelson

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in. - Alan Alda

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours. - Milton Berle

Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell

Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn't mean anything else. - C S Lewis

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. - Bill Murray

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. - Spike Milligan


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

Be Anything You Want

Tractor Pull

2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Canadian Ice Shrub

I Eat Soldiers For Breakfast

Toepener

No-Lake Picture

Logging Chairlift

Milkshake Desweetener

Dog Marathon

Global Warming Protest

Canadian Fast Food

Wienermobile Crash

Caribou Walking

Human Pixels
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

29-Nov-2020