“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”
Many hands make light work. - English Proverb
Truths kindle light for truths. - Lucretius
Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far. - Theodore Roosevelt
Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. - Christopher Columbus
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin
If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. - Arthur C. Clarke
Every time you have to speak, you are auditioning for leadership. - James Humes
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. - Rabindranath Tagore
May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien
They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant? - Jane Austen
Light is the greatest disinfectant in nature and also in organizations. - Stephen Covey
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain
Forgiveness provides hope, joy, and a bright future that nothing else can. - Paul J Meyer
And all we feared inside the night / shows true in morning's biased light. - Garth von Buchholz
Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffett
Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard
Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound
It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden
If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith
The ability to focus attention on important things is a defining characteristic of intelligence. - Robert J. Shiller
The art of art, the glory of expression, and the sunshine of the light of letters, is simplicity. - Walt Whitman
Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown
A good word is an easy obligation; but not to speak ill requires only our silence; which costs us nothing. - John Tillotson
I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson
I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a flower. God put it here. - Willie Nelson
Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in. - Alan Alda
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours. - Milton Berle
Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb
We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell
Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn't mean anything else. - C S Lewis
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. - Bill Murray
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. - Spike Milligan
Truths kindle light for truths. - Lucretius
Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far. - Theodore Roosevelt
Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. - Christopher Columbus
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin
If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. - Arthur C. Clarke
Every time you have to speak, you are auditioning for leadership. - James Humes
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. - Rabindranath Tagore
May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien
They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant? - Jane Austen
Light is the greatest disinfectant in nature and also in organizations. - Stephen Covey
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain
Forgiveness provides hope, joy, and a bright future that nothing else can. - Paul J Meyer
And all we feared inside the night / shows true in morning's biased light. - Garth von Buchholz
Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffett
Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard
Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound
It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden
If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith
The ability to focus attention on important things is a defining characteristic of intelligence. - Robert J. Shiller
The art of art, the glory of expression, and the sunshine of the light of letters, is simplicity. - Walt Whitman
Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown
A good word is an easy obligation; but not to speak ill requires only our silence; which costs us nothing. - John Tillotson
I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson
I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a flower. God put it here. - Willie Nelson
Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in. - Alan Alda
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours. - Milton Berle
Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb
We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell
Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn't mean anything else. - C S Lewis
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. - Bill Murray
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. - Spike Milligan
see also Redneck Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo
 Be Anything You Want |  Tractor Pull |  2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars |  Canadian Ice Shrub |  I Eat Soldiers For Breakfast |
 Toepener |  No-Lake Picture |  Logging Chairlift |  Milkshake Desweetener |  Dog Marathon |
 Global Warming Protest |  Canadian Fast Food |  Wienermobile Crash |  Caribou Walking |  Human Pixels |
29-Nov-2020 |