Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?

“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”

Silence is safer than speech. - Epictetus

Intelligent coaching is sometimes no coaching. - Marty Stern

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. - Robert Redford

A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons

You don't have to be perfect to be brilliant. - Mark Eyre

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx

Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein

A true star shines her light on others. Be a star. - Chloe Pink

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. - Christopher Columbus

If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. - Rumi

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. - Lao-tzu

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. - Groucho Marx

An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber

Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education. - Martin Luther King Jr.

Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then; life is dull without it. - Pearl S. Buck

It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

She may very well pass for 43 in the dusk with the light behind her! - W S Gilbert

The arrogance of the present is to forget the intelligence of the past. - Ken Burns

Forgiveness provides hope, joy, and a bright future that nothing else can. - Paul J Meyer

A careful driver is one who honks his horn when he goes through a red light. - Henry Morgan

I might have gone to West Point but I was too proud to speak to a congressman. - Will Rogers

Better to let them wonder why you didn't speak than to wonder why you did. - Amish Saying

If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright

If we surrendered to earth's intelligence, we could rise up rooted like trees. - Rainer M Rilke

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

Starting and being consistent and not giving up is more important than being brilliant. - Mark Schaefer

The less I know about a subject, the more confidence I have; and the more light I throw on it. - Mark Twain

If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise, we do not believe in it at all. - Noam Chomsky

The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14-16

Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory. - Leonardo da Vinci

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato

The protean nature of the computer is such that it can act like a machine or like a language to be shaped and exploited. - Alan Kay

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns


Cat Dugout

Open Drive Through

Secret Revealed

Tired Flagpole

Bent Car Sculpture

Cow Jacket

Thanks For Noticing

Overflow Truck Garden

Beach Sign Training

Encouraging Seal

GMC Pool

Nature Calls

You're Home Early

New Nail Gun

Long Noodles
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