Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his fanny, there was no toilet paper... so he used his hand.
When he got back to class, his teacher asked, “What do you have in your hand?”
Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, “What do you
have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent home and his Mom asked him, “What do you have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “Mom, it’s a little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was sent to his room until his Dad came in and said, “What do you have in your hand?”
So again Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands NOW!”
And Little Johnny said, “Oh great Dad, now look what you did - you scared the crap out of him!”
I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams
Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford
"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift
I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams
Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford
"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift
I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
see also Irish, Little Johnny & St. Patrick’s Day Sections
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
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22-May-2022 |