Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his fanny, there was no toilet paper... so he used his hand.
When he got back to class, his teacher asked, “What do you have in your hand?”
Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, “What do you
have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent home and his Mom asked him, “What do you have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “Mom, it’s a little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was sent to his room until his Dad came in and said, “What do you have in your hand?”
So again Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands NOW!”
And Little Johnny said, “Oh great Dad, now look what you did - you scared the crap out of him!”
No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley
Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast
Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. - William Butler Yeats
I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie
I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison
That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey
I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast
Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy
Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. - William Butler Yeats
I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie
I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison
That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey
I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
see also Irish, Little Johnny & St. Patrick’s Day Sections
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
 Bike Rack |  Straight From The Cow |  Surf-In Lunch Snack |  Lateral Thinking |  Da Hood Shirt |
 Quiet Place To Study |  No Beatle Haircuts |  Lego Anatomy |  His First Hot Rod |  Hair Safety |
 Open Air Reader |  Vacation At Last |  Cutting Edge Delivery |  Sunset Eclipse |  Diet Swing |
06-Dec-2019 |