Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his fanny, there was no toilet paper... so he used his hand.
When he got back to class, his teacher asked, “What do you have in your hand?”
Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, “What do you
have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent home and his Mom asked him, “What do you have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “Mom, it’s a little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was sent to his room until his Dad came in and said, “What do you have in your hand?”
So again Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands NOW!”
And Little Johnny said, “Oh great Dad, now look what you did - you scared the crap out of him!”
No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley
I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell
To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon
I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd
The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson
In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan
That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell
To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon
I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd
The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson
In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue
Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw
I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan
That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
see also Irish, Little Johnny & St. Patrick’s Day Sections
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
 Saxy Shoe |  Mayweather Momma |  What's Holding You Back? |  Final Exams In North Korea |  ORCAstraighted |
 'Outside The Box' Juggler |  HeidleBurger |  Sun Skin Tone |  I Think I'll Just Go Around |  People Of The River |
 Synonym Rolls |  New Stormtrooper |  Education Standstill |  Pool Cleaner |  Stool There |
25-May-2020 |