Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his fanny, there was no toilet paper... so he used his hand.
When he got back to class, his teacher asked, “What do you have in your hand?”
Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, “What do you
have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent home and his Mom asked him, “What do you have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “Mom, it’s a little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was sent to his room until his Dad came in and said, “What do you have in your hand?”
So again Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands NOW!”
And Little Johnny said, “Oh great Dad, now look what you did - you scared the crap out of him!”
No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy
I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins
I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown
The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke
Definition of an Irish fact: That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. - Hugh Kenner
I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats
I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson
The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan
An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy
I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins
I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack
God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown
The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke
Definition of an Irish fact: That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. - Hugh Kenner
I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats
I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
see also Irish, Little Johnny & St. Patrick’s Day Sections
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
 Subway Swing |  Fish Eye Lens |  Horse Mask |  Chocolate Filling |  Mea Culpa Road |
 Pool Painters |  Cocoon Stage |  Eye For Coffee |  Like No Udder |  Egyptian Pyramid Scheme |
 Hammock Kayak |  CARnivore |  Alligator Hallucinogens |  Step Lover |  Iron Horse Carriage |
09-Apr-2020 |