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“I’ve Lost Me Luggage”
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied
the Irishman. “I’ve lost all me luggage!” Water To Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the
floor of the car. The Reunion
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why, of course,” comes the reply. The Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a
Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to
see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Lost At Sea
Two Irishmen,
Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a
burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across
an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To
the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that
he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the
matter, Patrick blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!” The
genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the
gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their
circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a
long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we’re going to have
to pee in the boat.” My soul is still Irish. - Ciaran Hinds I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy Paddy O Furniture: Irish lawn chairs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford An Irishman's heart is nothing but his imagination. - George Bernard Shaw Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt. - Edna O'Brien The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt Like an Irishman's obligation, all on the one side, and always yours. - English saying A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about. - Austin O'Malley I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. - Bono The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. - William Butler Yeats I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie "Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth. - Unknown If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings We've never been cool, we're hot. Irish people are Italians who can't dress, Jamaicans who can't dance. - Bono Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?", New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt see also Irish & St. Patrick’s Day Sections Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Virgin Irish Weather Forecasting Little Leprechaun St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog Swimming Buddies What’s Under The Kilt?
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