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“I’ve Lost Me Luggage”
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied
the Irishman. “I’ve lost all me luggage!” Water To Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the
floor of the car. The Reunion
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why, of course,” comes the reply. The Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a
Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to
see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Lost At Sea
Two Irishmen,
Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a
burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across
an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To
the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that
he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the
matter, Patrick blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!” The
genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the
gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their
circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a
long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we’re going to have
to pee in the boat.” My soul is still Irish. - Ciaran Hinds I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast Paddy O Furniture: Irish lawn chairs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn You never miss the water till the well has run dry. - Irish Proverb I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford An Irishman's heart is nothing but his imagination. - George Bernard Shaw The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell The heart of an Irishman is nothing but his imagination. - George Bernard Shaw Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt. - Edna O'Brien I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. - Bono There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson Definition of an Irish fact: That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. - Hugh Kenner I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie "Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings We've never been cool, we're hot. Irish people are Italians who can't dress, Jamaicans who can't dance. - Bono For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien see also Irish & St. Patrick’s Day Sections Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Virgin Irish Weather Forecasting Little Leprechaun St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog Swimming Buddies What’s Under The Kilt?
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