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“I’ve Lost Me Luggage”
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied
the Irishman. “I’ve lost all me luggage!” Water To Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the
floor of the car. The Reunion
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why, of course,” comes the reply. The Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a
Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to
see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Lost At Sea
Two Irishmen,
Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a
burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across
an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To
the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that
he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the
matter, Patrick blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!” The
genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the
gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their
circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a
long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we’re going to have
to pee in the boat.” No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley Paddy O Furniture: Irish lawn chairs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth You never miss the water till the well has run dry. - Irish Proverb An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford An Irishman's heart is nothing but his imagination. - George Bernard Shaw The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell Where would the Irish be without someone to be Irish at? - Elizabeth Bowen My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish. - Unknown In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw Even when they have nothing, the Irish emit a kind of happiness, a joy. - Fiona Shaw I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty Like an Irishman's obligation, all on the one side, and always yours. - English saying Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me. - Colin Farrell What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe If you put an Irishman on a spit, you can always get another Irishman to baste him. - George Bernard Shaw My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery I'm proud of my Irish heritage and culture and this show will feature a lot of Irish dancing. - Michael Flatley Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie "Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison I was freelancing for years in Cork and around. I also wrote freelance pieces for 'The Irish Times.' - Kevin Barry I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth. - Unknown Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt We've never been cool, we're hot. Irish people are Italians who can't dress, Jamaicans who can't dance. - Bono The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad. For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien see also Irish & St. Patrick’s Day Sections Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Virgin Irish Weather Forecasting Little Leprechaun St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog Swimming Buddies What’s Under The Kilt?
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