|
“I’ve Lost Me Luggage”
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied
the Irishman. “I’ve lost all me luggage!” Water To Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the
floor of the car. The Reunion
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why, of course,” comes the reply. The Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a
Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to
see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Lost At Sea
Two Irishmen,
Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a
burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across
an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To
the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that
he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the
matter, Patrick blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!” The
genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the
gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their
circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a
long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we’re going to have
to pee in the boat.” No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley My soul is still Irish. - Ciaran Hinds I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong You never miss the water till the well has run dry. - Irish Proverb The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan The heart of an Irishman is nothing but his imagination. - George Bernard Shaw Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown You think the Welsh are friendly, but the Irish are fabulous. - Bonnie Tyler I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt. - Edna O'Brien I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty Like an Irishman's obligation, all on the one side, and always yours. - English saying Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe If you put an Irishman on a spit, you can always get another Irishman to baste him. - George Bernard Shaw An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about. - Austin O'Malley I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke Definition of an Irish fact: That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. - Hugh Kenner The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon The problem with being Irish is having 'Riverdance' on your back. It's a burden at times. - Roddy Doyle Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. - William Butler Yeats I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie "Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth. - Unknown Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad. For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien see also Irish & St. Patrick’s Day Sections Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Virgin Irish Weather Forecasting Little Leprechaun St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog Swimming Buddies What’s Under The Kilt?
|
     
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||
