Redneck Engineering Exam

Cheat Sheet from a smart Redneck college student


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A) ’66 Ford Fairlane B) ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle C) ’64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?
* For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

11. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

How Rednecks succeed at College

QuotaBills
Engineering with fabric. - Jean Muir

See if he passed the literaracy test. - Archie Bunker

Architecture begins where engineering ends. - Walter Gropius

The writer is the engineer of the human soul. - Joseph Stalin

Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko

I'll take a drug test, if you'll take an IQ test. - Fritz Hollings

The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure. - Laurence J. Peter

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. - Sigfried Hulzer

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

I will study and prepare myself… and someday my chance will come. - Abraham Lincoln

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

The test of a man or woman's breeding is how they behave in a quarrel. - George Bernard Shaw

High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first and the lesson after. - Vernon S Law

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. - Marty Allen

Scientists discover the world that exists; engineers create the world that never was. - Theodore von Karman

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

This is the first test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him. - William Lyon Phelps

We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. - Kurt Vonnegut

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

I will only hire someone to work directly for me if I would work for that person. It's a pretty good test. - Mark Zuckerberg

Aftermath: 1. The period following algebra; 2. The horrible headache you have when you've finished the algebra test. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Not every puzzle is intended to be solved. Some are in place to test your limits. Others are, in fact, not puzzles at all. - Vera Nazarian

If you study a subject every day, for one hour a day, for five days a week - in five years you will become an expert in that area. - Earl Nightingale

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien

When I finished school, I took one of those career-aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. - Unknown

I was named the Class Clown in the high school yearbook, so I was always turning to comedy and laughter to heal and to get me through things. - Guillermo Diaz

I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann

Whenever you are embarrassed, just remember that in 1999 NASA destroyed a $655 Million project because the engineers mistook kilograms and pounds. - Unknown

Historically the family has played the primary role in educating children for life, with the school providing supplemental scaffolding to the family. - Stephen Covey

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin

In this knowledge-worker age, it's now increasingly tied to doing well in school so you can get into better grad schools so you can get better jobs - so the pressure to do well is really high. - Stephen Covey


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30-Sep-2020