Redneck Engineering Exam

Cheat Sheet from a smart Redneck college student


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A) ’66 Ford Fairlane B) ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle C) ’64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?
* For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

11. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

How Rednecks succeed at College

QuotaBills
See if he passed the literaracy test. - Archie Bunker

Electoral College: Institute of higher yearning - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Only time will tell if we stand the test of time. - Van Halen

My life feels like a test I didn't study for. - Unknown

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade you can get on a test - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko

A child educated only at school is an uneducated child. - George Santayana

URL: What you don't want the doc to say at your yearly exam - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other. - Edmund Burke

Academe: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

Study nature. Love nature. Stay close to nature. It will never fail you. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. - Theodore Roosevelt

The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart. - Robert Ingersoll

Descartes commanded the future from his study more than Napoleon from the throne. - Oliver Holmes

I don't love studying. I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful. - Natalie Portman

Scientists discover the world that exists; engineers create the world that never was. - Theodore von Karman

Hope has proven a powerful predictor of outcome in every study we've done so far. - Charles R Snyder

When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

University: 1. A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand; 2. A mental institution. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

It is a fine thing to have ability, but the ability to discover ability in others is the true test. - Elbert Hubbard

If we are made of atoms, then a scientist studying atoms is actually a group of atoms studying themselves. - Unknown

I will only hire someone to work directly for me if I would work for that person. It's a pretty good test. - Mark Zuckerberg

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick

Aftermath: 1. The period following algebra; 2. The horrible headache you have when you've finished the algebra test. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right. - Jack Nicholson

The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 in your school history book. - Billy Crystal

This, then, is the test we must set for ourselves; not to march alone but to march in such a way that others will wish to join us. - Hubert H. Humphrey

Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing. - William Arthur Ward

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Whenever you are embarrassed, just remember that in 1999 NASA destroyed a $655 Million project because the engineers mistook kilograms and pounds. - Unknown

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. - Pele

The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson. - Tom Bodett

If Moses had gone to Harvard Law School and spent three years working on the Hill, he would have written the Ten Commandments with three exceptions and a saving clause. - Charles Morgan

School is learning things you don't want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn't know, while working toward a future you don't know will ever come. - Dave Kellett

In this knowledge-worker age, it's now increasingly tied to doing well in school so you can get into better grad schools so you can get better jobs - so the pressure to do well is really high. - Stephen Covey

Hackathons are these things where just all of the Facebook engineers get together and stay up all night building things. And, I mean, usually at these hackathons, I code too, just alongside everyone. - Mark Zuckerberg


see also   College,  Engineering  &  Redneck  Sections
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16-May-2022