A patient steps into the proctologist’s office for his first exam. The Doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.
When the man sat down and began observing the tools. He noticed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the Doctor finally came in the man said, “Look Doc, I’m a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?”
At that the Doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse... “Darnit, Catherine - I said a BUTT LIGHT!”
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
You can lead a boy to college but you cannot make him think. - Elbert Hubbard
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors. - George Givot
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. - Theodore Roosevelt
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream. - Michael Dell
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
All of my friends who have younger siblings who are going to college or high school - my number one piece of advice is: You should learn how to program. - Mark Zuckerberg
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. - Garry Trudeau
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
I wish I had thrown out the bathroom scale at age 16. Weighing yourself every morning is like waking up and asking Dick Cheney to validate your sense of inner worth. - Anne Lamott
College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
You can lead a boy to college but you cannot make him think. - Elbert Hubbard
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors. - George Givot
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. - Theodore Roosevelt
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream. - Michael Dell
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
All of my friends who have younger siblings who are going to college or high school - my number one piece of advice is: You should learn how to program. - Mark Zuckerberg
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. - Garry Trudeau
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
I wish I had thrown out the bathroom scale at age 16. Weighing yourself every morning is like waking up and asking Dick Cheney to validate your sense of inner worth. - Anne Lamott
see also Doctor Section
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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