A patient steps into the proctologist’s office for his first exam. The Doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.
When the man sat down and began observing the tools. He noticed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the Doctor finally came in the man said, “Look Doc, I’m a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?”
At that the Doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse... “Darnit, Catherine - I said a BUTT LIGHT!”
Asphalt: Rectum trouble. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Electoral College: Institute of higher yearning - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain
You can lead a boy to college but you cannot make him think. - Elbert Hubbard
A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors. - George Givot
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
Walking has been ridiculous in college basketball the past 15 years. - Bobby Knight
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
College Education: A four-year plan for confusing a young mind methodically. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
University: 1. A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand; 2. A mental institution. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream. - Michael Dell
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
I wish I had thrown out the bathroom scale at age 16. Weighing yourself every morning is like waking up and asking Dick Cheney to validate your sense of inner worth. - Anne Lamott
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. - Rodney Dangerfield
President Obama smoked so much pot in college he never learned to spell. Which is why he's confusing the word "ruining" the country with "running" the country. - Kilburn Hall
College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Electoral College: Institute of higher yearning - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain
You can lead a boy to college but you cannot make him think. - Elbert Hubbard
A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors. - George Givot
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
Walking has been ridiculous in college basketball the past 15 years. - Bobby Knight
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
College Education: A four-year plan for confusing a young mind methodically. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
University: 1. A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand; 2. A mental institution. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream. - Michael Dell
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
I wish I had thrown out the bathroom scale at age 16. Weighing yourself every morning is like waking up and asking Dick Cheney to validate your sense of inner worth. - Anne Lamott
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. - Rodney Dangerfield
President Obama smoked so much pot in college he never learned to spell. Which is why he's confusing the word "ruining" the country with "running" the country. - Kilburn Hall
see also Doctor Section
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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