Irish Birth Control

Lights out for the Roman candle

Seeing the light at the end of the Roman tunnel



Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, “Top o’ the mornin’ to ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?”

She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Father.”

The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?”

She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”

The Father said, “Well now, I’m going to Rome next week and I’ll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.”

She replied, “Oh, thank ye, Father.”
They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, “Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?”

She replied, “Oh, very well, Father!”

The Father asked, “And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?”

She replied, “Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!”

The Father said, “That’s wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?”

She replied, “E’s gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin’ candle.”



QuotaBills
I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan

Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce

When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh

The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock

Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. - Joan Rivers

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks. - Brendan Behan

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof

The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson

Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse

I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

As I told Piers Morgan, 'Catholics have confession, whereas Northern Irish Protestants only have interviews.' - James Nesbitt

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

The climate, the economic situation, rising birth rates; none of these things give me a lot of hope or reason to be optimistic. - David Attenborough

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson


see also   Marriage,  Nationality   &  Religious   Sections
Flooded Ireland Streets
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Diplomacy
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Handcuffs
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Sunblock
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
Irishman’s First Baseball Game
Little Leprechaun
Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
Whiskey Around The World
Whiskey Silly

 

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24-Sep-2020