Irish Birth Control

Lights out for the Roman candle

Seeing the light at the end of the Roman tunnel



Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, “Top o’ the mornin’ to ye! Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?”

She replied, “Aye, that ye did, Father.”

The Father asked, “And be there any wee little ones yet?”

She replied, “No, not yet, Father.”

The Father said, “Well now, I’m going to Rome next week and I’ll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.”

She replied, “Oh, thank ye, Father.”
They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, “Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?”

She replied, “Oh, very well, Father!”

The Father asked, “And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?”

She replied, “Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!”

The Father said, “That’s wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?”

She replied, “E’s gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin’ candle.”



QuotaBills
I'm just a true Irish boy at heart. - Colin Farrell

Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews

Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock

Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings

I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt. - Edna O'Brien

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce

Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler

What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde

At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. - Bono

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole

The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford

The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley

A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate. - Donald Trump

I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris

That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey

I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings

We've never been cool, we're hot. Irish people are Italians who can't dress, Jamaicans who can't dance. - Bono

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien


see also   Marriage,  Nationality   &  Religious   Sections
Flooded Ireland Streets
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Diplomacy
Irish Dock Overboard Oh-Nos
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Handcuffs
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Sunblock
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
Irishman’s First Baseball Game
Little Leprechaun
Queen’s Recent Visit to Ireland
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
Whiskey Around The World
Whiskey Silly

 

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12-Dec-2019