For his wife’s birthday party, a Doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:
You are not getting older.
You are just getting better.
Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.”
It wasn’t until the good Doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered that the cake read:
YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM.
Let them eat cake. - Marie Antoinette
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
I'm not much of a cake person. - Daniel Radcliffe
Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. - Ernestine Ulmer
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb
I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith
My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it. - Boris Johnson
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
Once you get rid of integrity the rest is a piece of cake. - Larry Hagman
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
On my 85th birthday, I felt like a 20-year-old. But there wasn't one around. - Milton Berle
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients and having someone sit on it. - Danielle Steel
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll
I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece. - Ludwig Erhard
I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. - Steven Wright
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. - George Burns
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. - Wendy Liebman
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
It's a piece of cake until you get to the top. You find you can't stop playing the game the way you've always played it. - Richard M Nixon
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Chocolate cake is the bomb! - Scarlett Pomers
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
I'm not much of a cake person. - Daniel Radcliffe
Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. - Ernestine Ulmer
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
New Year's Day is every man's birthday. - Charles Lamb
I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde
She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith
My policy on cake is pro having it and pro eating it. - Boris Johnson
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer
Once you get rid of integrity the rest is a piece of cake. - Larry Hagman
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
For me, the cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
On my 85th birthday, I felt like a 20-year-old. But there wasn't one around. - Milton Berle
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. - Mitch Hedberg
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
A bad review is like baking a cake with all the best ingredients and having someone sit on it. - Danielle Steel
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller
If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll
I remember when the candle shop burned won. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday." - Steven Wright
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece. - Ludwig Erhard
I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life. - Paula Deen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
You know when you eat too many sweets and get diabetes? Paparazzi are the diabetes of materialistic culture. - Shirley MacLaine
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. - Steven Wright
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit. - George Burns
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. - Wendy Liebman
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
It's a piece of cake until you get to the top. You find you can't stop playing the game the way you've always played it. - Richard M Nixon
If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise
I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
see also Birthday, Doctor & Marriage Sections
Bacon Birthday Cake
Big Birthday Surprise
Birthday Dog
Blonde’s Birthday Task
Cake Message
Centennial Puff
Cheap Birthday Card
Crowded Birthday Party
DJ Birthday
Doctor Types
Family Birthday Reminder
Hippy Birthday
Jurassic Judah
Perfect Birthday Excuse
Redneck Birthday Cake
Shark Week Birthday Cake
“Underneath That” Cake
Woodcutter Birthday Cake
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