For his wife’s birthday party, a Doctor ordered a cake with this inscription:
You are not getting older.
You are just getting better.
Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.”
It wasn’t until the good Doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered that the cake read:
YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM.
I told you I was sick. - B.P. Roberts
Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Romance is the icing, the love is the cake. - Unknown
The last birthday that's any good is 23. - Andy Rooney
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
The cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
Once you get rid of integrity the rest is a piece of cake. - Larry Hagman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown
False Economy: using only 30 candles on her 40th birthday cake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Because the sweeter the cake, the more bitter the jelly can be. - Lady Gaga
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg. - Cilla Black
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen
Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope
Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same. - Audrey Hepburn
I almost sent you a real birthday card but thankfully my internet connection came back. - Unknown
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
We're really just the frosting on a cake and we don't know what's inside the cake. - Adam Riess
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
Everything slows down with age. Except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips. - John Wagner
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown
If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
I always add a year to myself, so I'm prepared for my next birthday. So when I was 39, I was already 40. - Nicolas Cage
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Dear Diamond,
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Yours sincerely,
Chocolate Cake - Unknown
Thank you to all who posted kind birthday wishes. I'm touched. The rest of you will be un-friended tomorrow. - Unknown
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year. - Steven Wright
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Romance is the icing, the love is the cake. - Unknown
The last birthday that's any good is 23. - Andy Rooney
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns
Fashion saves a lot more lives than doctors. - Bruno Gehard
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
The cinema is not a slice of life, but a piece of cake. - Alfred Hitchcock
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb
I have friends struggling with autism, juvenile diabetes. - Nicole A. Parker
Once you get rid of integrity the rest is a piece of cake. - Larry Hagman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards. - Henny Youngman
I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart
Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown
False Economy: using only 30 candles on her 40th birthday cake - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Because the sweeter the cake, the more bitter the jelly can be. - Lady Gaga
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Chiropractor: A Doctor who works his fingers to the bone - yours - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg. - Cilla Black
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen
Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope
Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same. - Audrey Hepburn
I almost sent you a real birthday card but thankfully my internet connection came back. - Unknown
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
We're really just the frosting on a cake and we don't know what's inside the cake. - Adam Riess
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
Everything slows down with age. Except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips. - John Wagner
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown
If Joan of Arc could turn the tide of an entire war before her 18th birthday, you can get out of bed. - E. Jean Carroll
Many people find themselves with illness as they become successful: higher blood pressure and diabetes. - Zong Qinghou
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
I always add a year to myself, so I'm prepared for my next birthday. So when I was 39, I was already 40. - Nicolas Cage
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Dear Diamond,
We all know who is really a girl's best friend.
Yours sincerely,
Chocolate Cake - Unknown
Thank you to all who posted kind birthday wishes. I'm touched. The rest of you will be un-friended tomorrow. - Unknown
I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 18. I didn't know what it was, so I went to the library and looked it up. - Ron Santo
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year. - Steven Wright
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
How come if you mix flour and water together you get glue? And when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? - Rita Rudner
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' - Jerry Seinfeld
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
You've heard of people calling in sick. You may have called in sick a few times yourself. But have you ever thought about calling in well? - Tom Robbins
see also Birthday, Doctor & Marriage Sections
Bacon Birthday Cake
Big Birthday Surprise
Birthday Dog
Blonde’s Birthday Task
Cake Message
Centennial Puff
Cheap Birthday Card
Crowded Birthday Party
DJ Birthday
Doctor Types
Family Birthday Reminder
Hippy Birthday
Jurassic Judah
Perfect Birthday Excuse
Redneck Birthday Cake
Shark Week Birthday Cake
“Underneath That” Cake
Woodcutter Birthday Cake
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