A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.
When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.
“How could that be?” he asked.
“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile. - Bertand Russell
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
You have to look for teachers. If you want to be a mechanic, go hang out with mechanics. - Robert Kiyosaki
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile. - Bertand Russell
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
You have to look for teachers. If you want to be a mechanic, go hang out with mechanics. - Robert Kiyosaki
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
see also Car, Doctor & Mechanical Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
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08-Apr-2020 |