Exhausting Gyne Work

Top marks for pulling out a car engine


A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.

When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.

The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.

“How could that be?” he asked.

“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”


QuotaBills
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile. - Bertand Russell

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your health. - Unknown

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

You have to look for teachers. If you want to be a mechanic, go hang out with mechanics. - Robert Kiyosaki

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

You can catch health, happiness, and success from others just as easily as you can catch worries, bitterness, and failure. - Dale Carnegie

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Health is the finest possession. Contentment is the ultimate wealth. Trustworthy people are the best relatives. Unbinding is the supreme ease. - Buddha

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


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08-Apr-2020