Stabity Stab Stab
Fighting a losing cause with whatever you’ve got

A young soldier, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn’t have a rifle.
“That’s no problem, son,” said the sergeant. “Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go ‘Bangety Bang Bang’.”
“But what about a bayonet, Sarge?” asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. “Here, use this... just go, ‘Stabity Stab Stab’.”

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.
The recruit points the broom. “Bangety Bang Bang!” The German falls dead. More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!” He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. “Bangety Bang Bang!” shouts the recruit.
The German keeps coming.
“Bangety Bang Bang!” repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!”

It’s no use. The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says...
“Tankety Tank Tank.”


What happens when both sides have no weapons...

QuotaBills
Leave the gun, take the cannoli. - The Godfather

In war, truth is the first casualty. - Aeschylus

War hath no fury like a non-combatant. - Charles E Montague

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

If we don't end war, war will end us. - H G Wells

Only the winners decide what were war crimes. - Gary Wills

The army is the true nobility of our country. - Napoleon III

The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it. - George Orwell

Marketing strategy is a lot like military strategy. - Liddell Hart

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come. - Carl Sandburg

All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means. - Zhou Enlai

War does not determine who is right - only who is left. - Bertrand Russell

War is only a cowardly escape from the problems of peace. - Thomas Mann

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun. - Unknown

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it. - Desiderius Erasmus

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? - Mae West

War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot

It is well that war is so terrible, or we should grow too fond of it. - Robert E Lee

A standing army is one of the greatest mischiefs that can possibly happen. - James Madison

Your heaviest artillery will be your will to live. Keep that big gun going. - Norman Cousins

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

If it weren't for the Japanese and Germans, we wouldn't have any good war movies. - Stanley Ross

In any war, the first casualty is common sense, and the second is free and open discussion. - James Reston

Samson, he takes the jawbone out of the grass and he kills the whole army of the Phillipines. - Archie Bunker

'Jihad' can mean holy war to extremists, but it means struggle to the average Muslim. - Feisal Abdul Rauf

Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil. - Kin Hubbard

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

Moses was the greatest legislator and the commander in chief of perhaps the first liberation army. - Elie Wiesel

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

It is the crucifixion that distinguishes the new message from the mythologies of all other peoples. - Martin Hengel

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

There is no better coach than life: you attend class everyday; all you have to do is listen to the message. - Carl Hennegan

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

Dieting is not a sprint, it's a marathon. If you celebrate the small victories, you will eventually win the war. - Ian K Smith

When you say justice, it doesn't have to be war. Justice could just be clearing a path for people to dream properly. - Kanye West

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts. - Robert H. Schuller

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat


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30-May-2020