Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is local. - Thomas P O'Neil

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

Paraffins: Found on sides of fish - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Politics is the art of the possible. - Otto von Bismarck

Politics have no relation to morals. - Niccolo Machiavelli

If you know how to cheat, start now. - Earl Weaver

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Fish and visitors stink after three days. - Benjamin Franklin

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. - WC Fields

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. - Mark Twain

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

A sushi chef has to spot the best-quality fresh fish instantly. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

I can remember way back when a liberal was generous with his own money. - Will Rogers

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? - Douglas Adams

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

A man who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely called a liberal. - American Proverb

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street. - Kin Hubbard

Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Governing a large country is like frying a small fish. You spoil it with too much poking. - Lao-Tzu

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke

When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings as well as with paupers. - Imelda Marcos

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. - George Eliot

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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29-Sep-2020