Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

A week is a long time in politics. - Harold Wilson

Castanet: Primitive fishing method - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Politics makes strange postmasters. - Kin Hubbard

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

Fishing Gear Vendors: Reel estate agents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal. - Emma Goldman

I know I can't cheat death, but I can cheat old age. - Darwin Deason

There can be no wise politics without thought beforehand. - Annie Besant

Government cannot and must not replace private initiative. - Kim Campbell

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot

It's okay to eat fish because they don't have any feelings. - Kurt Cobain

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

They laughed at Robert Fulton but without him, New York wouldn't have a fish market. - Archie Bunker

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson

We don't have inflation because we are living too well. We have it because government is living too well. - Ronald Reagan

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

Memory is a net: one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook, but a dozen miles of water have run through it without sticking. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them. - Mark Twain

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. - Isaac Asimov


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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05-Jul-2022