Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
Sushi Vendor: A sell-fish guy - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Politics have no relation to morals. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Food tastes better when you wear it. - Erin Dealey

Holy Mackerel: Fish served at Church supper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. - Mark Twain

A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other. - Samuel Johnson

Politics is a profession where the paths of glory lead but to the gravy. - Billy Boy Franklin

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal. - Frank Dane

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. - Henry David Thoreau

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead

What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

Model Wife: One who, when she spades the garden, picks up the fish worms and saves them for her husband - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast. In the stream where you least expect it, there will be fish. - Ovid

Competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to cheating and hurt feelings. But so can romantic love. - Mariah Burton Nelson

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

Fishing Trip: Journey undertaken by one or more anglers to a place where no one can remember when it has rained so much - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

There is only one thing harder than looking for a dewdrop in the dew, and that is fishing for a clam in the clam chowder. - New England Proverb

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden

Memory is a net: one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook, but a dozen miles of water have run through it without sticking. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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24-Jan-2022