Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

Paraffins: Found on sides of fish - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There are plenty more fish in the sea. - English Proverb

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

No good fish goes anywhere without a porpoise. - Lewis Carroll

Self-government won't work without self-discipline. - Paul Harvey

Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros

The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now. - Mort Sahl

A conservative is a man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits. - Woodrow Wilson

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. - Robert Frost

No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish. - John Ruskin

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

They laughed at Robert Fulton but without him, New York wouldn't have a fish market. - Archie Bunker

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt. - Woodrow Wilson

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

I was in a sushi bar and it dawned on me - how could I discriminate between a cow and a fish? - Carre Otis

Preservation of our environment is not a liberal or conservative challenge, it's common sense. - Ronald Reagan

When you are right, you cannot be too radical. When you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

Fishing Trip: Journey undertaken by one or more anglers to a place where no one can remember when it has rained so much - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The punishment which the wise suffer who refuse to take part in the government, is to live under the government of worse men. - Plato

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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11-Jul-2020