Cheating U.S. Politician in 2004
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Bush returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Kerry comes in with 20 fish and Bush comes in again with none. That evening, Bush’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Bush and says, “I think Kerry is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Bush, “Well, what about it, is Kerry cheating’?”

“He sure is,” Bush replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

World War II was the last government program that really worked. - George Will

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Do not overdo it. - Lao Tzu

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

Idealism is the despot of thought, just as politics is the despot of will. - Mikhail Bakunin

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat. - Jackie Kennedy

Any man who puts his intelligence up against a fish and loses had it coming. - John Steinbeck

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? - Douglas Adams

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street. - Kin Hubbard

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens. - Bill Murray

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

We're at a point in history where everyone needs to pay attention to politics. Too much is at stake for us to be apathetic. - Kevin Costner

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein

Memory is a net: one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook, but a dozen miles of water have run through it without sticking. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
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25-Sep-2020