Cheating U.S. Politician in 2004
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Bush returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Kerry comes in with 20 fish and Bush comes in again with none. That evening, Bush’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Bush and says, “I think Kerry is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Bush, “Well, what about it, is Kerry cheating’?”

“He sure is,” Bush replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Love is the net where hearts are caught like fish. - Muhammad Ali

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

One can think of life after the fish is in the canoe. - Hawaii Proverb

Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover

Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. - Will Rogers

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government. - Edward Abbey

A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

Fish die belly upward, and rise to the surface. Its their way of falling. - Andre Gide

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self. All sin is easy after that. - Pearl Bailey

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one. - Thomas Paine

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too. - Oscar Levant

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. - Dave Barry

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Memory is a net: one finds it full of fish when he takes it from the brook, but a dozen miles of water have run through it without sticking. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
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30-Jun-2022