Two guys are moving about in a grocery store when their carts collide. One says
to the other, “Excuse me, but I’m looking for my wife.”
“What a coincidence - so am I, and I’m getting a little desperate.”
“Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?”
“She’s tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight butt. What’s your wife look like?”
“Never mind, let’s look for yours!”
Knewlyweds: Second marriage for both - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis
My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace. - Zig Ziglar
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
We learn the most from imperfect relationships - things like forgiveness and compassion. - Andrea Thompson
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde
I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman
My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. - Tim Allen
This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon
Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife. - Tony Curtis
My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone
Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace. - Zig Ziglar
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
We learn the most from imperfect relationships - things like forgiveness and compassion. - Andrea Thompson
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde
I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman
My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers
A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter. - WC Fields
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. - Tim Allen
This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon
see also Marriage Section
A Woman’s Mind
Amish Elevator View
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
“Female Speak” Translation
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking Small
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman
 How To Build A Fence |  Horse-Back Riding |  Social Distancing Fine |  Burnout Indication |  Lost Luggage |
 A Balanced Diet |  Bowen Arrow |  Business School Basics |  Broken Potted Plant Art |  Fish Hat |
 Fairy Soap |  Floor Legs |  Microscopic Reader |  Brief Case |  Hairstyle Of The Year |
 Duck Heist - Ducks Gone Bad |  Swan Heels |  Windshield Defrogger |  Side-Ways |  Sonic Straw |
29-May-2020 |