1. Correct speling is a Must.
2. “Just between you and I” is a Mustn’t. It’s as much of a Mustn’t as “They
3. Be sure to never split an infinitive.
4. Don’t dangle with participles: “Running for the bus, a taxi hit my uncle.”
5. The difference between “teach” and “learn” should learn you to pay attention.
Teachers don’t have to pay attention, so they don’t learn; they just teach.
6. When studying grammar, a spiral notebook of well-lined pages are useful.
(This shows that subjects and verbs are enemies.)
7. Don’t never use no double negative. Triple negative are even worst.
8. Always make a pronoun agree with their referent.
9. Beware of the “them-those” trap. For instance, don’t write, “Them apples are
rotten” if they are not.
10. Many people love to use commas, which are not necessary. For instance, “She
ate, the fool” is a comment. “She ate the fool” is correct, if she is a
11. One of the trickiest points in punctuation is to use apostrophe’s correctly.
They are as sensitive as measle’s.
12. Never use “real” when you mean “very.” Therefore: “She is real stupid” shows
that you are very stupid. (This point is real important.)
13. Adjectives are not adverbs. Write careful. (I know that’s hardly.)
14. Question marks can be dynamite. Use them carefully. “You sure are pretty?”
means you are not sure I am pretty. That is an insult.
15. Many a student is undone by “who” and “whom.”
a. “’Whom are you?’ she asked, for she had gone to night school.”
b. If you write “Who’s hand is stroking my thigh?” you’ll never know who’s
pulling whose leg. Such information can be valuable.
16. Avoid the excessive use of exclamation points!!!! It is silly to write,
“Yesterday, I woke up!!!” because that suggests that today you did not, which is
17. When you want to say something that indicates anyone, or all of us, the
pronoun “one” is better than “he” or “she.” “One never knows, do one?”
18. Observe the difference between “don’t” and “doesn’t.” It’s shocking to hear
so many high school graduates say “He don’t care.” What they mean, of course, is
“I don’t care.” Their grades proved it.
19. Never write, “heighth” or “weighth.” They just are not righth.
20. Avoid confusion. “How the hippopotamus are you?”
21. “Irregardless” is not in the dictionary. “Hopefully” is – and I hope to God
you never use it.
22. Don’t use “neither” when you mean “either.” Either use “neither” correctly
or don’t use it at all. And don’t use “either” if you mean “ether” neither.
23. Guard against absurd and unnecessary repetitions. This here rule is
especially important for new beginners.
24. A real booby trap to avoid is “when” – especially when a sentence like “I do
not deny I wasn’t afraid” occurs when you mean “I won’t deny I was afraid.” Most
writers are, so they master syntax, which is the only tax that doesn’t cost
25. Don’t forget the crucial difference between “lie” and “lay.”
a. the former takes no object (“I lie in bed”) but the latter must (“Lay that
pistol down, mother”);
b. “To lie” means to express something not true: “to lay” means expressing
something more urgent.
Got it? Now, memorize these laws, plus one more: Be sure to reread anything you
write to make sure you don’t accidentally any words out.
Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith
I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown
Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Francis Bacon
Speech is the vestibule to the palace of love. - Jami of Persia
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley
Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown
The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber
Changes in language often reflect the changing values of a culture. - Ravi Zacharias
England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
Laughter is, after speech, the chief thing that holds society together. - Max Eastman
Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain
If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright
No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut. - Sam Rayburn
Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard
The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy
Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - L.J. Peter
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard
Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I never made a mistake in grammar but once in my life, and as soon as I done it. I seen it. - Carl Sandburg
A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie
If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise, we do not believe in it at all. - Noam Chomsky
Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie
Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton
Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri
Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain
Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb
Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela
Books Never Written
Commas Save Lives
Does A Double Positive Equal A Negative?
Double Negative Education
I Like Cooking
Little Johnny’s Beautiful Examples
One Thousand Words
Practice Safe Text
Nun Chairs - Great Looking Legs
NAACP Cover Up
How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?
Pike Mouth Nest
Improvise, Adapt, Overcome
Never Go Full Retard