Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon
How to tell if your car is a lemon
Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
“Jaws of Life” in trunk.
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.
Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”
You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.
Fjord: Norwegian car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack
Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson
There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar
Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker
Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman
The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy
Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass
The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen
Lemonade is made from artificial flavors, and furniture polish is made from real lemons. - Alfred E Newman
They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg
There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan
Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty
If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor
I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright
We will get everything out of her that you can squeeze out of a lemon and a bit more. I will squeeze her until you can hear the pips squeak. - Eric Geddes
Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
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