Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon

How to tell if your car is a lemon


Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.

Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.

Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.

Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.

Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.

“Jaws of Life” in trunk.

Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.

Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”

Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.

Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.

Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.

Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.

Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.

Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist

When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”

You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.




QuotaBills
Fjord: Norwegian car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Lemonade is made from artificial flavors, and furniture polish is made from real lemons. - Alfred E Newman

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright

We will get everything out of her that you can squeeze out of a lemon and a bit more. I will squeeze her until you can hear the pips squeak. - Eric Geddes

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


see also   Car  Section
Blonde’s 710 Cover
Amish Prom Limo
Car-nage
Car Plunge
Car Surgeon
CarGo Loads
Cartographer
Dent Stop
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Filling The Water Truck
Firm Car Inspection
Foiled Again
Follow The Leader
Ford Quadricycle
Found The Apple Maps Car
GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
Half Price Car
Harrison Ford
How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
Move Over
New Mechanic
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Cadillac
Redneck Car Repair
Redneck Carriage Car
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
Seatbelt Extender
See Through Van
Shimmy Car-nage
Sidecar
SideCar Illusion
Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Totaled Toyota
Tractor Car
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Vintage Campers
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
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16-May-2022