Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
“Jaws of Life” in trunk.
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.
Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”
You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.
Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson
There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar
When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail. - Ziad K. Abdelnour
Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy
Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford
You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck
I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. - Ron White
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield
When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins
You know what's got the world in the shape today? Buddah, the Pope, Marx and Lemons. - Archie Bunker
It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk
My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
The average auto owner drives so blamed reckless I'm glad that he does git robbed when he pays a repair bill. - Kin Hubbard
Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown
Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
Khaki: A thing for starting a car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson
There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar
When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail. - Ziad K. Abdelnour
Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy
Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford
You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck
I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. - Ron White
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield
When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins
You know what's got the world in the shape today? Buddah, the Pope, Marx and Lemons. - Archie Bunker
It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk
My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. - Kin Hubbard
The average auto owner drives so blamed reckless I'm glad that he does git robbed when he pays a repair bill. - Kin Hubbard
Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown
Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
see also Car Section
Blonde’s 710 Cover
Amish Prom Limo
Car-nage
Car Plunge
Car Surgeon
CarGo Loads
Cartographer
Dent Stop
Dent Wizard
Filling The Water Truck
Firm Car Inspection
Foiled Again
Follow The Leader
Ford Quadricycle
Found The Apple Maps Car
GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
Half Price Car
Harrison Ford
How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
Move Over
New Mechanic
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Cadillac
Redneck Car Repair
Redneck Carriage Car
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
Seatbelt Extender
See Through Van
Shimmy Car-nage
Sidecar
SideCar Illusion
Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Totaled Toyota
Tractor Car
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Vintage Campers
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
Young Mechanic Apprentice
 Redneck Beer Hunter |  Pair Produce |  Potting Pot |  Ice Cream Burqa |  Dog Soother |
 Fourk |  Women's Outhouse |  Crocodile Floor |  Hummer Carriage |  Antler Switch Plate |
 Redneck Cotter Pin |  Redneck Bulldozer |  Your Fly Is Down |  Chili Rub |  Tire Rotation |
 Political Promise Hauler |  Steering Wheel For Couples |  Confined By Walls |  Moon Descent |  Redneck Selfie Stick |
03-Jun-2020 |