Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
“Jaws of Life” in trunk.
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.
Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”
You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.
Afford: Popular type of car - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown
The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor
You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore
We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner
When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman
When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins
Lemonade is made from artificial flavors, and furniture polish is made from real lemons. - Alfred E Newman
The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker
My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg
Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly
If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor
Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown
The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor
You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore
We all thought we'd have flying cars by now, but we don't. - Dana Brunetti
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner
When a police officer tells you to stay in the car, you stay in the car. - Reese Witherspoon
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman
When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins
Lemonade is made from artificial flavors, and furniture polish is made from real lemons. - Alfred E Newman
The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker
My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg
Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
The actual building of roads devoted to motor cars is not for the near future, in spite of many rumors to that effect. - Harper's Weekly
If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor
Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
see also Car Section
Blonde’s 710 Cover
Amish Prom Limo
Car-nage
Car Plunge
Car Surgeon
CarGo Loads
Cartographer
Dent Stop
Dent Wizard
Filling The Water Truck
Firm Car Inspection
Foiled Again
Follow The Leader
Ford Quadricycle
Found The Apple Maps Car
GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
Half Price Car
Harrison Ford
How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
Move Over
New Mechanic
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Cadillac
Redneck Car Repair
Redneck Carriage Car
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
Seatbelt Extender
See Through Van
Shimmy Car-nage
Sidecar
SideCar Illusion
Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Totaled Toyota
Tractor Car
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Vintage Campers
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
Young Mechanic Apprentice
 Bubble Boy |  High Wire Bear Feeder |  Manitoba Thunderstorm |  Watermelon Shark |  Curses, Foiled Again |
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 Melting Kayak |  Beetle Collection |  Croc Diet |  Plane Restaurant |  Holiday Fun |
 Sandwich Shoes |  Fearless |  Finally Got A Haircut |  Fedorable Platypuses |  Lego Sushi |
06-Jul-2020 |