Ode to Mothers

Why God made Moms

Insightful view on Mothers by elementary school children


Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s Moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Whether he made more than $800 per year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world and my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because Dad’s such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What’s the difference between Moms and Dad?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Moms have all the real power ‘cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.



Mother's Day greetings from the Joe-kster
I miss you, Mom...

QuotaBills
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard

Bagdad: What mother did when she met father - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face. - George Eliot

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

When your wife asks what's on TV, dust is not the right answer. - Unknown

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. - Dorothy

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me. - Howard Nemerov

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

My mom told me a long time ago, 'Never get in a fight with a lady.' - Oliver North

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry

Acceptance, tolerance, bravery, compassion. These are the things my mom taught me. - Lady Gaga

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

I not only think we tamper with Mother Nature, I think that Mother Nature wants us to. - Willard Gatlin

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams

My mom always said, "Don't say if I make it", say, "When I make it!" - Mariah Carey

My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

What greater aspiration and challenge are there for a mother than the hope of raising a great son or daughter? - Rose Kennedy

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

I tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless. - Rodney Dangerfield

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon


see also   Mother’s Day   Section
A Mother’s Day Special
A Mother’s Love
A Woman’s Mind
Looking For Your Wife?
Looking Small
Mother’s Day Gift - Not
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Understanding Women

 

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04-Dec-2020