Why do golf courses have 18 holes - not 20, or 10, or an even dozen? During a discussion among the club’s membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out!
[The following is not intended to offend fans of tennis, basketball, football, or baseball. It is, rather, an attempt to put everything in its proper perspective. However, if you are offended because of your favorite sport, please tell someone who cares...]
Ever wonder why golf is growing in popularity and why people who don’t even play go to tournaments or watch it on TV? The following may shed some light:
1. Golf is an honorable game, with the overwhelming majority of players being honorable people who don’t need referees.
2. Golfers don’t have some of their players in jail every week.
3. Golfers don’t kick dirt on, or throw bottles at, other people.
4. Professional golfers are paid in direct proportion to how well they play.
5. Golfers don’t get per diem and two seats on a charter flight when they travel between tournaments.
6. Golfers don’t hold out for more money, or demand new contracts, because of another player’s deal.
7. Professional golfers don’t demand that the taxpayers pay for the courses on which they play.
8. When golfers make a mistake, nobody is there to cover for them or back them.
9. The PGA raises more money for charity in 1 year than the NFL does in 2.
10. You can watch the best golfers in the world up close, at any tournament, including the majors, all day every day for $25 or $30. The cost for even a nosebleed seat at the Super Bowl costs around $300 or more, unless you buy it from scalpers, in which case it’s $1,000+.
11. You can bring a picnic lunch to the tournament golf course, watch the best in the world, and not spend a small fortune on food and drink. Try that at one of the taxpayer funded baseball or football stadiums. If you bring a soft drink into a ballpark, they’ll give you two options-get rid of it or leave.
12. In golf, you cannot fail 70% of the time and make $9 million a season, like the best baseball hitters (300 batting average) do.
13. Golf doesn’t change its rules to attract fans.
14. Golfers have to adapt to an entirely new playing area each week. Golfers keep their clothes on while they are being interviewed.
15. Golf doesn’t have free agency.
16. In their prime, Palmer, Norman, and other stars, would shake your hand and say they were happy to meet you. In his prime, Jose Canseco wore T-shirts that read “Leave Me Alone.”
17. You can hear birds chirping on the golf course during a tournament.
18. At a golf tournament, (unlike at taxpayer-funded sports stadiums and arenas) you won’t hear a steady stream of four letter words and nasty name-calling while you’re hoping that no one spills beer on you.
19. Tiger hits a golf ball over twice as far as Barry Bonds hits a baseball.
20. Golf courses don’t ruin the neighborhood.
You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke
Work: The thing that interferes with golf. - Frank Dane
Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse
Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead
Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin
Teetotaler: A golfer who only keeps track of drives - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells
Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham
You realize just how bad a golfer you are when you play with Freddie. - Donald Trump
Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey
Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams
How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower
One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon
Golf is the worst drug in the world. You just keep coming back fro more embarrassment. - Deacon Jones
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer
They say that life is a lot like golf - don't believe them. Golf is a lot more complicated. - Gardner Dickinson
Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway
The biggest thing is just routine. I think that's the biggest correlation between golfers and basketball players. - Stephen Curry
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley
Learning to play golf is like learning to play the violin. It's not only difficult to do, it's very painful to everyone around you. - Hal Linden
I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump
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