Pastor’s New Teeth

Putting your best gum forward!

Biting sermon from the pulpit


The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures... and I couldn’t shut up.


QuotaBills
Keep calm and floss on. - Unknown

Teeth are always in style. - Dr. Seuss

Never floss with a stranger. - Joan Rivers

Irony is the hygiene of the mind. - Elizabeth Bibesco

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. - Ogden Nash

We break bones and we lose teeth. We play rugby. - Martin Johnson

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. - Unknown

My friend has false teeth - with braces on them. - Steven Wright

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth. - William R. Alger

Love conquers all things - except poverty and toothache. - Mae West

Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp

Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If I'm feeling really wild I don't floss before bedtime. - Judith Viorst

A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice

I'm as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth. - Kris Kringle

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. - George Bernard Shaw

Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours. - Homer Simpson

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks. - Pierre Renoir

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

You don't have to brush your teeth - just the ones you want to keep. - Unknown

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

I still have my teeth. I don't want to lose them at age 61 in some hockey game. - Jim Flaherty

For there was never yet a philosopher
That could endure the toothache patiently. - William Shakespeare

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew. - Herb Caen

I have a constant sweet tooth, so I like anything from the bakery, like cupcakes, cookies. - Carmen Electra

Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth, I threw him heavily to the ground on top of me. - Mark Twain

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out. - George Brett

It is guaranteed to put all teeth on edge, including George Washington's, wherever they might be. - Vincent Canby

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. - Walt Disney

Most men would rather have their bellies opened for five hundred dollars than have a tooth pulled for five. - Martin H. Fischer

The best and cheapest dentistry is when the right thing is done extremely well the first time and it lasts. - Unknown

Sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. - Unknown

Many of us are at the 'metallic' age - gold in our teeth, silver in our hair, and lead in our pants. - Unknown

I don't get off on romantic parts. But I often think if I had had my dental work done early on, well, maybe. - Morgan Freeman

All satire is blind to the forces liberated by decay. Which is why total decay has absorbed the forces of satire. - Theodor Adorno

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor? - Frank Colby

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. - Harold Wilson

Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled. - George Bernard Shaw

To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Zipper: Two rows of unsmiling teeth that often induce laughter in others, especially when inadvertently left open following a trip to the john - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz


see also   Aging,  Dentist  &  Religious  Sections
Beautiful Bride - “In-dentured” For Life
Dental Checkup
Dental Plan - Latest Extraction Technology
Dentist Talk
False Teeth
Nice Teeth For All The Crap He Eats
Pet Dentist
Redneck Bird Dogs
Staff Teeth

 

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23-May-2022