Pastor’s New Teeth

Putting your best gum forward!

Biting sermon from the pulpit


The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures... and I couldn’t shut up.


QuotaBills
Floss like a boss! - Unknown

Keep calm and floss on. - Unknown

Teeth are always in style. - Dr. Seuss

Never floss with a stranger. - Joan Rivers

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. - Ogden Nash

The tongue is ever turning to the aching tooth. - Thomas Fuller

We break bones and we lose teeth. We play rugby. - Martin Johnson

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. - Unknown

Too much freedom can lead to the soul's decay. - Prince

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth. - William R. Alger

Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp

A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

I'm as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth. - Kris Kringle

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. - George Bernard Shaw

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

You know you're getting old if you have more fingers than real teeth. - Rodney Dangerfield

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy. - Unknown

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

For there was never yet a philosopher
That could endure the toothache patiently. - William Shakespeare

Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl

Adam and Eve had many advantages but the principal one was that they escaped teething. - Mark Twain

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

I have a constant sweet tooth, so I like anything from the bakery, like cupcakes, cookies. - Carmen Electra

Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth, I threw him heavily to the ground on top of me. - Mark Twain

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out. - George Brett

Some tortures are physical
And some are mental,
But the one that is both
is dental. - Ogden Nash

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

It is guaranteed to put all teeth on edge, including George Washington's, wherever they might be. - Vincent Canby

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. - Walt Disney

Most men would rather have their bellies opened for five hundred dollars than have a tooth pulled for five. - Martin H. Fischer

Many of us are at the 'metallic' age - gold in our teeth, silver in our hair, and lead in our pants. - Unknown

I don't get off on romantic parts. But I often think if I had had my dental work done early on, well, maybe. - Morgan Freeman

All satire is blind to the forces liberated by decay. Which is why total decay has absorbed the forces of satire. - Theodor Adorno

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor? - Frank Colby

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. - Harold Wilson

Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled. - George Bernard Shaw

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Tooth decay was a perennial problem that meant a mouthful of silver for patients, and for dentists a pocketful of gold. - Claudia Wallis

I like cast iron coated with enamel for longevity and forgiveness if I happen to take my eyes off the prize while pouring Chianti. - Mario Batali

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

How is it that mercury is not safe for food additives and Over the Counter drug products, but it is safe in our vaccines and dental amalgams? - Dan Burton


see also   Aging,  Dentist  &  Religious  Sections
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Dental Checkup
Dental Plan - Latest Extraction Technology
Dentist Talk
False Teeth
Nice Teeth For All The Crap He Eats
Pet Dentist
Redneck Bird Dogs
Staff Teeth

 

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04-Jun-2020